


Wherever You Will Go

by LilyAnson



Series: Personal Demons [2]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Annoyed Crowley, Babysitter Castiel, Babysitter Dean, Canon Divergence - No Angel Tablet, Caring Castiel, Castiel & Crowley Friendship, Dean Taking Care Of A Baby, Family, Fluff, Friendship, Human Crowley, Hurt Crowley, Implied/Referenced - Crowley/Lucifer (Rape/NonCon), Kidnapping, M/M, Marriage Proposal, Memories, Mpreg, Newborn child, PTSD Crowley, Pregnancy Scares, Previous Sexual Abuse - Crowley, Protective Dean Winchester, Protective Sam Winchester, Reference Trials of Hell, Sad with a Happy Ending, Scared Crowley, Self Confidence Issues, Self-Esteem Issues, Some Laws Are Meant To Be Broken, Unplanned Pregnancy, Weddings, Witches, pregnant crowley
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-02-22
Updated: 2016-03-19
Packaged: 2018-05-22 14:40:37
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 9
Words: 21,882
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6083187
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LilyAnson/pseuds/LilyAnson
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Personal Demons spin off.  Crowley gets pregnant and Sam doesn't want children.  Or does he?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Swampofsaddness](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Swampofsaddness/gifts).



> For Swampy (Swampofsaddness) who's unwavering devotion to my stories is absolutely loved. Also because I couldn't have envisioned this story half as well without her input.
> 
> I intend to write a secondary "spin-off" story for the Personal Demons series that also picks up where Suicide and Redemption ends. Consider this story like the ending of the movie Clue. "It could have happened like this." "But it could have happened like this." Or maybe kind of similar to a choose your own adventure? *shrug* Sorry if I'm confusing anyone.

No. Nope, nopity, nope, nope. Not happening. Crowley refused to believe that this could be happening to him. How the hell could he be pregnant. He was human now not a demon anymore. Not to mention he couldn’t even take care of himself let alone a child. Yes technically demons could get pregnant even if they were male but the chances of that happening with a human were slim to none. In hell Lucifer had kept that from happening. Here there was no one with the power to stop it from happening. Still, he was a human now how the hell? 

It still shouldn’t have happened, Crowley sulked. The chances of humans and demons having a child together were small no matter what gender they were. Add to that, that he was now human and it should definitely never have happened. Crowley sat down on top of the toilet seat lid. Change was almost always bad. Besides, he knew how Sam felt about the way he’d been raised. To his knowledge Sam didn’t want children, had never wanted children. He could only imagine what Sam would say when he found out he was now a father. How the hell was he supposed to tell Sam?

Demonic law said if Sam didn’t want the baby Sam could rid him of the child but the mere thought of that made bile rise in Crowley’s stomach. Crowley fought against the urge to throw up. There was no way he could choose between their child and his Sam. Sam was his love, their child was a part of them both. Where did that leave them? Would Sam send him away? There was no way he could hide this for long. For better or worse he needed to tell Sam. The problem was, he was too afraid. He needed advice. Crowley chewed his lower lip as he thought about who to ask.

Crowley moved to the sink to splash water onto his face. Opening the door he started to exit the bathroom when he spotted Castiel. Suddenly he couldn’t breathe. He had forgotten about the angel. Castiel would probably be able to sense the baby. If the angel found out Crowley was pregnant he would most definitely want to kill the child. There was no way the angel would allow a half-demon child to live. He couldn’t let Castiel be the one to tell Sam. Stepping backward into the bathroom Crowley shut the door. 

Continuing to back away Crowley didn’t stop until his back hit the wall. If Castiel found out, he wouldn’t be able to stop the angel from killing his child. No, it wasn’t fair. He’d just found out he was pregnant. He couldn’t let the angel kill his baby. Just then there was a knock on the door. Crowley pressed his lips together trying to figure out what to do now. 

_“Crowley?”_

A soft whine escaped his lips.

_“Are you okay?”_

“Fine,” Crowley called back.

Silence. 

“Castiel?”

Still nothing. Maybe the angel was gone? Crowley inched forward. This is stupid. He wouldn’t be able to feel the Castiel now that he was human. He wouldn’t be able to tell if the angel was still out there or not.

“Castiel,” Crowley called out once more.

Still no answer. Reaching forward he cautiously turned the knob. When the door opened he was relieved to see the angel was gone. Finally relaxing he left the bathroom. He had gone only four steps before Castiel appeared behind him. Crowley uttered a strangled cry. Trying to turn around and back away from Castiel at the same time he managed to trip over his own feet and fall. He landed painfully on his ass and cursed.

“Crowley?”

“What the hell were you thinking,” Crowley snapped.

Castiel stilled and cocked his head. For a time the angel merely stared. Crowley began to get uncomfortable under the angel’s gaze.

“You’re pregnant,” Castiel stated.

Crowley froze. He couldn’t move. Even if he tried to run it would do no good. The angel would catch him; catch him and kill his baby. 

“It’s Sam’s,” Crowley called out suddenly. “If you kill it, you’re killing Sam’s baby!”

“Why would I kill your child?”

Crowley blinked in confusion. “You… I… Because…”

Castiel continued to stare at him curiously.

“Because,” Crowley huffed crossing his arms. “It’s half-demon.”

Strangely the angel shook his head. “Crowley, I keep telling you. You’re a human now.”

Crowley couldn’t help but stare. 

“Crowley. I am not going to kill your child,” Castiel stated firmly.

Opening and closing his mouth he tried to say something but couldn’t seem to speak.

Castiel reached a hand down to him. “Let me help you.”

Completely confused, Crowley took the hand and let Castiel help him stand. “You’re really not going to kill it?”

“No. Crowley?”

“Yes?”

“Does Sam know?”

Crowley winced slightly. “No. I don’t know how to tell him.”

“Perhaps you should just be up front. From my experience, he would probably appreciate the honesty.”

“I can’t. I’m pretty sure he doesn’t want children. It’s more than that, though. In demonic law, if the father doesn’t want the child, they may kill it.”

“But you’re not a demon any more,” Castiel pointed out.

“Some things are harder to leave behind than others. I was a demon for a long time. I can’t force myself to tell Sam if I’m alone with him but I don’t want to tell him where others may hear.”

For a while Castiel stood, silent, with his head slightly cocked. “Perhaps you could take him out to dinner. There would be others at a restaurant and they should be a sufficient distance away to keep them from eavesdropping.”

Shocked, Crowley eyed the angel. That was actually a fairly good plan.

*-*-*-*-*

“I really don’t feel up to going out tonight,” Sam complained. “I just want to finish this book and maybe do a little research.”

Crowley started to bite his lower lip but stopped himself.

“Crowley?”

“Never mind,” Crowley muttered.

“Hey, no. Not never mind. What’s up?”

“It’s fine.” Walking over to Sam Crowley put arms around his love and rested his face against Sam’s chest. “I love you Sam.”

“I love you too baby.”

*-*-*-*-*

Somehow Crowley still hadn’t managed to find a good time to tell Sam that he was pregnant. He was going to have to tell Sam soon. He was already a little over a month. Demon pregnancies only lasted seven months if they didn’t miscarry. Though to be fair since he was now a human it might last longer than seven months. Miscarriage was something that actually happened quite a lot with demonic pregnancies. Crowley chewed on his bottom lip thoughtfully. He was desperate to tell Sam but he was also terrified of telling him. He sat in his old room trying to find a solution.

“Crowley,” Sam called as he stuck his head around the door.

“Hey. What’s up?”

Sam frowned and entered the room. “Time for lunch. What are you doing in here?”

Crowley’s stomach lurched at the mention of food. He had to work to keep his face neutral as he fought down the bile. Lately he found it hard to eat anything. “Just thinking,” he said with a shrug.

Sam moved to sit on the bed beside Crowley. “Thinking about what?”

“Stupid things mostly,” Crowley replied with a forced smile.

“Crowley…” Sam hesitated. “Is there something I should know?”

Crowley pressed his lips together and thought about how to respond for several moments. “Would you like to go on a date with me tomorrow,” Crowley asked.

Frowning Sam stared at him and Crowley continued to wait.

“A date?”

“We haven’t been on a proper date in ages. Please Sam?”

Sam gave a small smile. “Of course baby, if you want.”

*-*-*-*-*

Crowley fidgeted. So far the night had gone perfectly. At the moment, Sam had excused himself to go to the restroom. Crowley sat at the table desperately searching for a way to tell Sam about the pregnancy. He knew he wouldn’t be able to tell Sam if it were just the two of them in a room. If Sam were to be displeased Crowley didn’t want to be in a room alone with him. In hell a demon who fathered a child they didn’t want could beat the demon carrying their child until they lost it. The idea that Sam might not want a child terrified Crowley. Sam returning to the table broke Crowley’s ruminations.

“Sam,” Crowley began nervously. “I have something to tell you.”

For a while Crowley couldn’t continue. True to form Sam remained silent giving Crowley time to find the words to say whatever he needed. Crowley took a deep breath and released it before continuing. 

“I’m… We… Please don’t be mad.”

Sam reached out and took his hand. When Crowley looked up and met Sam’s eyes the love he found there made him more nervous. Dropping his eyes he cleared his throat and tried again.

“I’m pregnant,” he whispered.

Tensing he waited. And waited. When Sam didn’t respond Crowley glanced back up to Sam. Confusion colored Sam’s face. Crowley sighed and removed his hand from Sam’s.

“It’s rare but on occasion demons can get pregnant, even males,” Crowley whispered.

“How?”

Chewing his lip Crowley debated how to answer that question. “The how was lost to us long ago. It’s always been that way as far as any of us can remember.”

“No. What I mean is, you’re not a…” Sam trailed off and glanced around discretely before leaning closer. “You’re not a demon any longer.”

Crowley shrugged. “I don’t have any explanation other than that.”

“Maybe you’re not… you know. I mean, maybe it’s something else?”

Unable to meet Sam’s eyes, Crowley shook his head. “No,” he stated simply. When Sam didn’t respond Crowley chanced a quick look. Sam looked pensive. He seemed to be staring at Crowley but not quite seeing him.

“Sam,” Crowley asked tentatively. 

Sam blinked a few times before straightening. “Food’s getting cold,” Sam announced.

“Umm…” 

“Let’s eat before it gets any colder,” Sam suggested.

“Okay,” Crowley agreed confused. 

*-*-*-*-*

They entered the bunker and Crowley followed Sam to their room. When he approached the threshold he stopped, unsure if he could force himself to enter. He still had no clue how Sam felt about the pregnancy. Sam had refused to discuss it further at the restaurant. If Sam decided he didn’t want the baby… Stupid, Crowley berated himself. Sam would never hurt him. Still, demon law did give him certain rights… 

“Crowley?”

Crowley bit his lower lip.

“Hey. You okay?”

“Yes sir.”

“Crowley,” Sam murmured.

“Sorry. I meant Sam.” Crowley ducked his head.

“Tell me what’s wrong baby.”

“If… If you don’t want this baby… You would be within your rights to prevent it from being born.”

“Are you saying that if I wanted to I could…”

“Beat me until I lost the child, yes,” Crowley whispered unable to meet Sam’s eyes.

“I would never lay a hand on you. You know that.”

“I do,” Crowley said quietly. “I just also know demonic law.”

“Even if you really are pregnant I will never lay a hand on you. Especially if you’re pregnant. Demon law or not. Okay?”

Crowley nodded silently.

“Come here baby,” Sam ordered holding out his arms.

Crowley walked forward into Sam’s arms and let Sam hold and comfort him. Most of the time he was, not fine exactly but alright at least. When he had found out he was pregnant he began to panic. If Sam didn’t want children then what would happen to him? At least Crowley felt better knowing his baby was safe.

“I will never hurt you on purpose, okay Crowley?”

“I just spent so long as a demon sometimes it’s hard not to fall back into that line of thinking.”

“I know baby. I understand.”

“Sam?”

“Yeah, baby?”

“Do you want a baby?”

.

Sam didn’t answer. His childhood hadn’t been the most stable and he had no idea how to be a good parent. In all honesty he hadn’t ever really wanted any children. When he had gotten with Crowley he figured he would never have to worry about that. What answer could he give that wouldn’t upset his baby more?

“I never thought I’d have to worry about that with you.”

Crowley gave a low whine and snuggled against him even more.

“Shh, baby, it’s alright. Whatever happens we’ll get through this together just like always.”

“I love you Sam.”

“I love you too baby. How sure are you that you’re pregnant?”

“Positive,” Crowley mumbled miserably.

“Do you want a child?”

“I don’t know. I’m worried. Worried you don’t want the baby. Worried I won’t be able to carry it all the way. Worried I won’t be a good enough parent if I do carry it to term.”

Sam rubbed Crowley’s back trying to help calm his baby. He tried to wrap his head around the fact that Crowley could be pregnant. If it was true… Then what?

“I never thought this would happen,” Crowley told him. “It’s rare enough for demons to get pregnant with a demon partner. It’s even more difficult for it to happen with a human. After I was turned human I never thought I would have to worry about it.”

“Can I ask a few questions? You don’t have to answer if you feel uncomfortable but all of this is new to me.”

Sam felt Crowley nodding. “Yes,” Crowley said quietly.

“How rare is it for male demons to get pregnant?”

“It’s rare for any demon to get pregnant, male or female.”

“Is that why you never got pregnant when you were… uh…”

“A slave?”

“Yeah,” Sam whispered.

“Lucifer used his powers to keep that from happening. He did not wish to be ‘inconvenienced’ by having to rid me of a child time and time again.”

“How do you, uh, give birth?”

“There is a ceremony. Male and female demons both have their own ceremonies. I have no knowledge of the female ceremony. I can teach you the male pregnancy ceremony if you like. If you do not object to having the baby and if I am able to carry it to term you will need to know what to do before hand.”

“What do you mean by if you are able to carry it to term?”

“Miscarriages are common among demon pregnancies. Only about twenty percent of those that wish to keep their children actually make it to term. Sam?”

“Yeah baby?”

“Did… did you really mean it?”

“Did I mean what?”

Crowley fidgeted. “Did you mean it when you said you wouldn’t force me to get rid of the child.”

“I will never do anything to harm you or any child you might have.”

“Even if you don’t want it?”

“I’m not saying I don’t want a baby Crowley. I don’t know how I feel about it yet. I still need time to think about it but I will never force you to miscarry a child on purpose.”

“Thank you,” Crowley whispered wrapping his arms around Sam and holding onto him tightly.

*-*-*-*-*

Crowley lay awake in Sam’s arms as Sam slept. At least he didn’t have to worry about a forced miscarriage. Sam always kept his word. Now all he had to worry about was not losing the child before it could be born. Maybe being human would help, although why he should think that when it hadn’t stopped him from getting pregnant Crowley didn’t know.

*-*-*-*-*

Sam lay still, staring at his baby. Pregnant. Of all the things he had ever anticipated having to help Crowley through that wasn’t any of it. Pregnant. He tried to wrap his mind around it again. Nope, still didn’t make sense. Yet he couldn’t believe that Crowley would lie to him about something like that. It had to be true, didn’t it? If it was true, and Crowley really was pregnant, then that meant he was going to be a father. God, how the hell was he supposed to raise a child? 

_“You would be within your rights to prevent it from being born.”_

The fear and pain in Crowley’s voice had been unmistakable. Had Crowley really thought that Sam would actually beat him until he lost the baby? He shook his head slowly. Of course Crowley would think that. And because it was demonic law Crowley would allow it to happen and not even be angry at Sam. This was new territory. Crowley always got nervous when it came to new things in their relationship. When Crowley got nervous he always reverted backward to when he was a slave to Lucifer and unable to stand up for himself.

Crowley shifted in his sleep and whimpered softly. Sam shushed him and kissed the back of Crowley’s neck. Once again Sam was awestruck by how much Crowley had suffered through. It was amazing that Crowley had managed to overcome so much of the torture and function at all. Crowley let out another soft whimper and again Sam kissed the back of his neck.

“Shh, baby. You’re safe.”


	2. Chapter 2

Crowley woke only to find he was still tightly wrapped in someone’s arms. The person holding him was also nuzzling the back of his neck. Crowley tensed hoping that it wasn’t Lucifer and that everything previously had been another dream and not reality. _Please let it be Sam,_ Crowley thought desperately. _Please don’t let it be Lucifer and Sam have been the dream._

“Baby?”

Crowley’s muscles relaxed at the sound of Sam’s voice. “Love,” he whispered.

“Mm, I love it when you call me that.”

“I’m glad. I love calling you that.”

“I’ve been thinking.”

Crowley cocked his head briefly then turned over so he could face Sam.

“Do you want to raise a child?”

Crowley bit the corner of his lower lip. This, he thought. This is where Sam tells me he doesn’t want a baby. Of course Sam wouldn’t beat him until he lost the baby. Sam wouldn’t do that. Even if he hadn’t promised, Crowley realized that Sam would never hurt an innocent. That didn’t mean Sam wouldn’t send him away, though.

“Don’t,” Sam said softly. “I know how your mind works. You’re assuming the worst. I just want to know what you want, that’s all.”

He couldn’t help it. Crowley curled up and pressed himself against Sam’s chest. He always snuggled against Sam when he felt overwhelmed. Sam’s arms wrapped around him comfortingly and Crowley tried to calm himself.

“Yes,” he whispered.

“You do want to raise a child,” Sam asked.

“Yes,” Crowley repeated. “But I don’t want to lose you either. I don’t know what to do, how to feel. Please don’t send me away,” Crowley begged.

“Shh, baby. I couldn’t send you away if I tried. I need you too much. I love you too much to send you away.”

“Sam?”

“Yes, baby?”

“Sometimes I can’t help it. My mind just jumps to the worst. I’m sorry.”

“I know, baby. It’s okay.”

“Sam?”

“Hm?”

“Do you want to raise a baby?”

“If you want to, I think I’d like to try. I can’t promise anything though. I didn’t have the most normal childhood and I’ve always been worried I would screw up big time if I ever tried to raise a child.”

Crowley drew back to be able to look up at Sam. Sam’s arms loosened to allow him to move. Crowley inspected Sam’s face carefully for a long while.

“No,” Crowley said finally.

Sam raised one eyebrow. “No?”

“You wouldn’t ‘screw up’ anyone in your care.”

Shaking his head, Sam sighed. “I wish I could believe that.”

“I believe that,” Crowley told him sincerely.

“Crowley,” Sam began. He paused for a moment before continuing. “You were… ‘hurt’ very badly before you came here. I don’t know how much you remember but I screwed up on the first night you were human. I screwed up so much I made you feel like you had to be punished.”

Crowley cocked his head as he tried to remember everything that happened that night. “Was that the first time Dean punished me?”

Sam glanced away.

“That wasn’t your fault Sam.”

Turning back Sam eyed him suspiciously.

“Lucifer spent years brainwashing me. It was too be expected that it would take some time to break through everything he did to me. What happened that night was not your fault, it was his.”

“Crowley…”

“You told me once that I was not responsible for his actions. Do you remember that?”

Sam gave a single cautious nod.

“You are not responsible for his actions either.”

“Crowley-”

“No, Sam. You can’t tell me not to take his actions as my own and turn around and take them on yourself. Okay, love?”

“Do you know how much I love you,” Sam asked grinning.

“As much as I love you,” Crowley asked hopefully.

“Mm, yes. If not more.” Sam paused. “Crowley?”

“Hmm,” Crowley hummed against Sam’s skin.

“We’re going to have to tell Dean.”

Crowley drew back horrified. He couldn’t put a finger on why telling the older Winchester might scare him but for some reason it did. “I… No you do it!”

“Sh, baby. I can tell him if you like.”

“Thank you Sam.”

“Do you mind being there or did you want me to do it alone?”

Crowley thought about that. “No,” he whispered. “I’ll go with you.”

“You sure baby?”

“Yes.” He shook his head. “I can’t explain it but telling Dean makes me nervous. I don’t mind being there but I don’t know if I can actually tell him.”

*-*-*-*-*

“Dean?”

Dean glanced up and Crowley did his best not to hide behind Sam. 

“What’s up,” Dean asked as they moved to the table and sat down.

“This is going to be difficult to accept,” Sam began. 

Dean eyed his brother cautiously. “Okay,” Dean drawled slowly.

“Crowley. I, he… We’re going to have a baby.”

Dean’s mouth flattened and he blinked several times. “Umm,” Dean began but trailed off.

Crowley was so not looking forward to explaining things again. He dropped his eyes to the table and raised one hand to his stomach. He studiously avoided meeting Dean’s eyes.

“Apparently demons can get pregnant,” Sam stated. “Even men.”

“Okay,” Dean said slowly.

“So, um. So Crowley’s pregnant,” Sam stumbled.

Crowley winced and waited for Dean’s response.

“Uh huh,” Dean said. His tone was unreadable.

“If, if you have a problem with this then say so,” Crowley blurted out still not meeting Dean’s eyes.

“Are you seriously asking if I have a problem with a guy getting pregnant,” Dean asked.

Crowley frowned. 

“I think he’s asking if you have a problem with us having a child,” Sam interjected.

“You just sprung that guys can get pregnant on me. It’s going to take a while before I can form an opinion about it being you two.”

“Wait,” Crowley said suddenly, looking up. “You believe I’m pregnant?”

Dean’s brows lowered in thought. “Well it would explain things. I mean, you’ve been acting strange and your eating habits have changed.”

“And,” Crowley hesitated. “And you believe male demons can get pregnant?”

“See, that’s where it falls apart,” Dean said. “You’re not a demon any longer.”

“I know, but it’s the only thing that makes sense. Except that Castiel says he can’t feel any demonic energy.”

“So Cass already knows? I’m the last to know? Really?”

Crowley winced again and leaned sideways into Sam’s shoulder.

“Great,” Dean growled shoving his chair backwards. “I suppose I should be happy you bothered to tell me?”

“It’s not like that Dean. I just found out myself. I don’t know how Cass knows,” Sam argued.

“Castiel caught me coming out of the bathroom just after I found out, before I even had a chance to tell you. He helped me figure out how I was going to tell you,” Crowley told Sam. “It wasn’t on purpose. He just sensed it before I had a chance to tell anyone.” 

*-*-*-*-*

Tomorrow would be the end of the second month. Crowley studiously marked the date off on his calendar. He shouldn’t have gotten pregnant as a human so he had been sure the baby was half demonic. Castiel hadn’t sensed any demonic energies so the baby might be fully human. Not being able to determine anything specific Crowley had no clue how long the pregnancy should last. Still, marking off the days made him feel better. He neatly marked the calendar every morning before going down for breakfast. 

Throughout the first two months it had been hard to eat and keep food down. There was very little that didn’t upset his stomach. Grilled cheese sandwiches seemed to sit the best so Sam cooked grilled cheeses for him almost every day. Crowley insisted he could make them himself but Sam wouldn’t let him. A small part of him still felt nervous about someone doing nice things for him but since it was Sam, Crowley shushed that voice. Lately it seemed to be getting easier to keep the food down. Hopefully it stayed that way. Making his way into the kitchen Crowley sat down at the table. As usual Sam already had a plate made for him. 

Dean entered the kitchen still looking slightly groggy. He sat down just as Sam placed a glass of orange juice in front of Crowley. Crowley waited patiently as Sam sat down and picked up his fork. As always, he waited until Sam took his first bite before he began. Occasionally Sam would try to get him to eat first but Crowley still wouldn’t. It started as him being deferential to his Master. Since then it had become a sign of respect to his love for rescuing him from everything. Sam waited until Dean finished making a plate before taking his first bite. 

They ate in silence. As per usual Crowley’s breakfast consisted of two pieces of toast and a few scrambled eggs. Also as per usual it made him slightly queasy. When he wanted a snack he usually ate unsalted crackers. Other than that he only ate eggs, toast and grilled cheeses. Everything else refused to stay down. Even though he’d been eating grilled cheeses longer he still got cravings for them. Toast, Crowley was getting tired of rapidly. Hopefully, since his stomach seemed be doing better with foods, he would be able to eat more of a variety soon.

After breakfast Crowley insisted on doing the dishes. Sam protested halfheartedly as always but relented. For the most part he allowed Crowley to do whatever he wanted so long as it wasn’t too strenuous. The more strenuous the task the more Sam would protest. As Crowley washed Sam rinsed the dishes. When they were done Crowley dried the dishes and Sam put them away. 

*-*-*-*-*

Crowley sat on the chair at Sam’s desk and eyed Sam carefully as his love lay in the bed reading. Crowley pulled his shirt off and stood. Unbuttoning his pants he unzipped them and shoved them down before sitting again. After he finished removing his pants he caught Sam watching him. Crowley smiled and made his way to the bed.

“Crowley,” Sam stated warningly.

“Sh, baby.” Crowley pressed a finger against Sam’s lips. 

“God baby. I want this, I do, but are you sure?”

“Yes. Mm besides, didn’t you say ask for what I want?”

“I don’t want to risk anything happening to the baby.”

“I’ll lay on my back. It’ll be fine, you’re always careful. Please Sam?”

“God baby, I don’t want to hurt you.”

“You won’t.”

“And the baby?”

“You’re always careful. Please, I need this.”

Sam nodded and sat up to remove his clothes. As always the sight of Sam without clothes made Crowley’s breath catch. Gods his Sam was beautiful. He wondered again what Sam saw in him. When Sam was undressed he turned and helped Crowley to lay down. Straddling Crowley Sam reached up and put his hands on the sides of Crowley’s face. Leaning down Sam kissed Crowley lightly. Crowley’s eyes slid closed as their lips met.

In the beginning Crowley had always been nervous just before they began. After a few months Crowley had slowly become accustomed to not being hurt during sex. It didn’t make it any easier to ask for what he wanted. In fact it made it more difficult. He was always worried he was imposing on Sam’s good nature. He couldn’t bring himself to ask for things in sex. Whatever Sam wanted to give him was more than he deserved. Sam was more than he deserved. How could he ask for more?

It had take him another several weeks to be able to ask for anything specific during sex and even then he was still extremely nervous. Nothing Sam said or did could keep Crowley from worrying about being too demanding. It was Sam that had brought him through that. Sam had gotten him horny and then ordered Crowley to tell him exactly what he wanted. Since then Crowley didn’t have to be quite so exact about what he wanted but Sam would still occasionally make him ask for things. It was slowly getting easier but he didn’t want to have to do that tonight.

“Sam.”

“Baby?”

“Just take me tonight. Don’t make me specify, please love.”

Sam bent forward and kissed his forehead. “You got it baby.”


	3. Chapter 3

Frowning Crowley poked at his stomach. As expected as it was he still didn’t have to like it. Fat, he thought. It wasn’t like he was in great shape before but he had managed to work off the little bit of a gut that had come with the vessel by training with Dean. Sadly that was one thing Sam wouldn’t relent on. Once after Crowley practiced a few basic moves he was struck by pains shooting through his abdomen. It was the first time since they’d been together Sam had ever yelled at him. 

He was barely able to keep Sam from taking him to the hospital. In the end Sam only agreed because there was absolutely no way they could even explain the pregnancy. Instead they’d lain together on the bed. It had taken a long time for the pains to pass. No more training Sam had declared. Since training and spell research was all he used to occupy his time Crowley was rapidly becoming more and more bored.

Crowley stared at the books sitting on the edge of the table. He loved books, he did really. It’s just that reading was almost the only thing he did now. As much as he liked books he was beginning to get tired of reading. Crowley poked at his stomach again. Yep, he was definitely getting fat. He sighed and crossed his arms. He needed to do something before he started to go stir crazy. Maybe if he was careful he could still practice a few things.

*-*-*-*-*

_Castiel?_ Damn! Where was the angel? _Castiel_ , Crowley thought loudly. Another sharp pain stabbed through his abdomen and Crowley struggled to breathe. He wrapped his arms around his middle as his eyes watered. He had known better but had still pushed himself. Now he was going to lose their child because of his stupidity. 

“Crowley?”

“Cass,” Crowley gasped. 

The angel rushed over to him. 

“Please,” Crowley pled.

“Just hold still.”

The angel placed a hand on his stomach. Within seconds the pain intensified. Castiel drew back.

“I… I can’t help. Anything I do would hurt you more.”

“Do… something…,” Crowley pleaded.

“I can’t,” Castiel stated sadly. 

“Please. The baby.”

Castiel squeezed Crowley’s hand. “Would you like me to get Sam?”

“Yes!”

“I will have to leave you.”

“Promise! Promise you’ll bring Sam!”

“I promise you, no matter what happens, I will bring your Sam.”

“Please,” Crowley begged.

Castiel disappeared without another word. 

Gods he needed his Sam. How could he have been so stupid? He was bored so he endangered their child? Really? Gods he was stupid! Please let the baby survive, Crowley begged. I don’t care if I die, please let the baby live.

“Crowley?”

“Sam,” Crowley whimpered.

“God baby.”

His Sam. If only their baby made it… 

“What happened?”

“I was…” He winced as more pains wracked his body. “Stupid,” he hissed.

“What did you do?”

“Training.”

“Crowley.”

“I know.”

“It’ll be okay baby.”

“Sam… the baby. If anything…” 

“Sh baby. Nothing’s going to happen. You’ll be fine. Cass, can you do anything?”

“No, I would only make it worse,” Castiel admitted.

“Try,” Sam insisted.

“Sam,” Crowley whispered. “He can’t.”

“God baby. At least port us to the bedroom, Cass.”

“That I can do,” Castiel said laying a hand on Crowley’s shoulder.

.

“Dean!”

“Geez Cass. You don’t have to yell.”

“Crowley, the baby.”

Instantly Dean’s attention was all for the former demon and the unborn baby. “Where’s Sam,” Dean asked.

“With Crowley. I just… Dean, if Crowley loses the baby…” 

Cass didn’t have to finish the sentence, Dean knew. If Crowley lost the baby both he and Sam would be devastated. He needed to be with his brother. Flinging the door open Dean rushed down the hall to Sam’s room.

“Sam,” Dean called opening the door.

“Dean,” Sam called back.

Sam was curled up around Crowley. The former demon was shaking slightly. Dean entered the room and stood next to the bed carefully eying the two. “How bad?”

“Dean,” Crowley whispered. “If anything happens…”

“Hush, you. Nothing’s going to happen. Everything’s going to be fine,” Dean assured Crowley.

“Uncommon. For demon babies-”

“Hush,” Dean insisted. “Cass says you’re not a demon. Either way you _are not_ losing this baby Crowley. Do you hear me?”

“Watch over Sam,” Crowley pleaded.

“Nothing is going to happen to you or the baby,” Dean insisted. “What happened,” he asked Sam.

“From what I can tell he over exerted himself practicing,” Sam answered with a questioning glance to Crowley. Crowley nodded.

“I thought you forbid practicing,” Dean stated.

“I did. _Someone_ didn’t listen to me.”

“Sorry,” Crowley said weakly.

“Sh, it’s okay baby. We’ll get through this.”

Crowley nodded and Dean desperately tried to find something he could do to help.

*-*-*-*-*

“Dean?”

Dean raised his head when he heard his brother’s whisper. “Thought you were sleeping.”

“Woke up,” Sam whispered. Carefully Sam unwrapped himself from Crowley. “How long has it been?”

“Almost five hours.”

Sam frowned. “You didn’t have to stay,” he whispered to his brother.

“The hell I didn’t. It’s my niece or nephew.”

Sam started to reply but Crowley shifted. He waited until Crowley was still and gently brushed the hair away from his love’s face. God, if anything happened to Crowley or the baby… 

“Sam.”

Sam turned back to Dean.

“He didn’t do it on purpose. He wouldn’t endanger the baby willingly.”

“I know. It’s just… I don’t know what I would do without him, you know?”

“I know. Come on, let’s get something to eat.”

“I don’t want to leave him.”

“He’s okay for now Sam. You need to eat. You’re not going to do him any good by not eating.”

“What if he needs something?”

“We’re just going downstairs. He’ll be fine Sammy.”

*-*-*-*-*

Carefully Crowley made his way to the kitchen. He moved slowly to keep from potentially agitating is body. The pains had subsided but he was still sore. The stairs had been a pain to get down. Hopefully he wouldn’t have to go back upstairs any time soon.

“Sam,” he called out as he made it to the kitchen.

“Baby,” Sam exclaimed. Shoving the chair backward Sam stood and rushed over to him.

Crowley winced as Sam wrapped his arms around him tightly.

“Too tight,” Crowley gritted.

Instantly Sam’s arms loosened.

“Sorry,” Sam apologized.

“‘S fine,” Crowley muttered. “Sam?”

“Yeah baby?”

“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to over do it. I thought I could handle some of the easier ones. I swear that I never-”

“Sh. Hush baby, it’s okay. It’s all okay.”

“It’s not okay. I could have lost the baby. I could have-”

“Sh,” Sam shushed Crowley again. “Nothing happened.”

“This time,” Crowley pressed. “Please don’t be mad, Sam.”

“I’m not mad baby, I was just worried. I don’t want to lose the baby _or_ you.”

“I won’t ever chance it again. I’ll be careful I promise.”

“God I love you baby. Don’t do that again?”

“Never if you don’t want.”

“After the baby. Maybe. If you’re up to it.”

“Anything. Sam?”

Sam sighed heavily and ran a hand through his hair. “I’m not leaving you baby. Don’t go there. Okay?”

“Gods I love you,” Crowley whispered.

*-*-*-*-*

Crowley clicked the television off and huffed to himself. Yes, he understood the reasons for the enforced bed rest but he didn’t have to like it. Two sodding months so far and who knew how much longer he had to lay here. Crowley knew Sam was trying to make it more bearable but there was only so much staying still he could take. He had never been particularly good at “resting”. He always preferred to be be doing something useful.

“Perhaps you would enjoy one of the books Sam brought,” Castiel stated.

“No I bloody would not,” Crowley grumped.

“How about cards,” the angel suggested.

“No and I don’t need a babysitter.”

“I gave my word to Sam I would not leave you until they returned.”

“Spare me. They’re more likely to need your help than I am.”

“Sam was insistent that-”

“I _know_. Look, can we please talk about something else?”

“What would you like to discuss?”

“You know what? Never mind, I’m going to sleep.”

The angel gave a nod but continued to watch him. Crowley growled in frustration. There was no way he could sleep with Castiel staring at him the whole time. Grabbing one of the pillows he closed his eyes and brought it down over his face.

“Crowley,” Castiel said questioningly.

Crowley lifted one corner of the pillow to glare out from underneath.

“Is it safe for you to sleep with a pillow over your face?”

Groaning, Crowley dropped the pillow back into place. Stupid angel. Why couldn’t he just leave? He was pregnant, not an invalid. He really, really, did not need a babysitter.

“Crowley?”

Crowley groaned again and shoved the pillow off of his face. 

“Fine,” he huffed. “Happy?”

“Happier than I would be trying to explain to Sam how I let you suffocate.”

“Damn it Castiel. I’m not going to suffocate, drown, spontaneously combust or disappear. All I’m going to do is lay here and possibly sleep. The only thing I _might_ die from is boredom!" 

“I’m fairly sure that you can’t die from being bored.”

Crowley groaned again. “I won’t tell anyone you stepped out for five minutes. _Please_ just give me _some_ time to myself.”

“I promised I wouldn’t leave you alone.”

“Then phase to another plane so I can have some semblance of privacy!”

Castiel cocked his head slightly and seemed to be considering this. Crowley watched, hopeful the angel would agree. It wasn’t exactly what he would like but it might be the best he could get. Castiel nodded once and vanished. Crowley sighed in relief. At least he could pretend he was alone now. Instantly Castiel reappeared.

“You know that if you need anything, though-”

Crowley reached over to the night table and grabbed the first thing he found. The second his fingers closed on the book he threw it at the angel. Castiel side-stepped and the book sailed past harmlessly.

“Go,” Crowley shouted.

With another nod Castiel disappeared again. Gods, he was so going to have to talk with Sam about having to have a babysitter.

*-*-*-*-*

Rolling over onto his other side Crowley huffed in annoyance. He glared at the cell on the night table and wondered if he should call Sam. He was still on enforced bed rest and was supposed to call someone when he needed something. Right now what he needed was his love laying next to him. Sighing in resignation he reached out and grabbed the cell. He dialed Sam and waited for him to answer.

_“Baby? You okay?”_

“No.”

_“What is it,”_ Sam demanded, instantly concerned.

“I need you. Come upstairs and lay down with me?”

_“Damn it Crowley. Don’t scare me like that. I thought something was really wrong.”_

“Something _is_ wrong. You’re not laying next to me.”

_“You know what I meant, Crowley.”_

“Please Sam?”

_“I’ll be up soon, baby. I just want to finish a few things.”_

“Whatever.”

Crowley hung up before Sam could respond. He hated being confined to the bed. It was only ever semi-bearable when Sam would lay next to him and hold him. Turning over again he grabbed Sam’s pillow and curled up around it.

“Crowley?”

Crowley jumped as Castiel’s greeting caught him off guard. Turning to look back over his shoulder he glared at the angel. “Ever hear of knocking,” he growled.

“Apologies. Sam sent me to-”

“I don’t need a babysitter, I need Sam!”

“Yes. I believe he anticipated that. If you would allow me to finish…” Castiel cocked an eyebrow and waited.

“Fine, continue then.”

“I was sent to retrieve you.”

His neck started to cramp and Crowley rolled until he was laying on his back. “Retrieve?”

“Yes. Sam has a spot set up in the library for you. He asked me if I wouldn’t mind porting you down there as he is still insistent that you not overexert yourself.”

As much as he wanted to argue that he could walk there he knew better. He would never make it all the way down the stairs without falling or needing help. Besides, if it got him out of this accursed room what did he care how he got downstairs.

“Port away my winged rescuer,” Crowley quipped.

Castiel frowned in confusion and Crowley rolled his eyes.

“Just take me to Sam,” Crowley muttered.

Placing a hand lightly on Crowley’s shoulder Castiel ported them to the library. Crowley found himself covered and lying on one of the sofas. From the sofa he could see Sam at the nearest table watching him.

“I thought you might appreciate a change of scenery,” Sam told him. “I really am almost done but you sounded upset so…” 

Crowley bit his lower lip for a few seconds. “Sorry I hung up on you.”

“It’s okay, baby. I understand how frustrating it has to be for you.”

“I love you, love.”

“Love you too baby.”

*****

Sam yawned and turned to tell Crowley he was finally finished only to find Crowley asleep on the sofa. Shaking his head Sam made his way over and adjusted the blanket. Crowley’s eyes shot open as he jerked away from Sam.

“Sh, baby. It’s just me. You’re okay baby.”

“Sam,” Crowley whispered sleepily.

“Yeah baby, it’s me.”

“Mm, lay with me.”

“Castiel’s not here right now, we can’t port you back to the bedroom.”

“‘S okay. Lay on the couch with me,” Crowley mumbled.

“Not enough room baby. How about I sit on it and you put your head in my lap?”

“Mm hm,” Crowley hummed.

Sam lifted Crowley’s head and slid down onto the couch. He carefully positioned Crowley’s head in his lap. “Good?”

“Mm hm.”

“Sleep baby. I’ll be right here.”

“Night,” Crowley mumbled.

“Night baby.”

*-*-*-*-*

Seven months twenty-three days into the pregnancy Crowley doubled over in pain and struggled to breathe. Gasping he tossed back and forth on the bed trying to ease some of the pain. Nothing helped. 

“Sam,” Crowley choked out.

Gods he needed Sam. Maybe he could reach the phone. Rolling onto his right side Crowley reached for the cell on the night table. His fingers closed over it but dropped it before he could retrieve it. The phone fell out of his hand and dropped to the floor. Damn it! Crowley crawled to the edge of the bed and tried to find the phone.

*****

One of Sam’s hands shot to his abdomen as he grimaced. Damn that hurt. What the hell was wrong with him? Taking a few deep breaths Sam straightened and tried to understand what was happening. Sharp pains shot through his abdomen for no reason he could determine. Suddenly it struck him. Crowley.

Sam hurried to the stairs and raced up them. When he reached their room he threw open the door. Crowley lay in the floor curled up on himself gripping the cellphone in his right hand. Sam rushed to him and dropped to the floor.

“Crowley? Baby what is it? What’s happening?”

“It’s… time…”

The baby, Sam realized. The baby was finally coming. 

“Don’t worry, baby. I’ve got you. Everything will be alright, I’ve got you.”

*-*-*-*-*

“How long can it possibly take,” Dean demanded.

“It takes as long as it takes,” Cass answered.

“Something has to be wrong.”

“That is a possibility but if there is something wrong there’s nothing we can do about it. We have to wait Dean.”

“Fuck waiting. I have to know what’s happening.”

Dean shoved past Cass and started to head for Sam’s room when his cell rang. He checked the caller I.D. and answered it instantly.

“Sam! Talk to me. What’s happening?”

_“We’re fine. Everything’s all over. The baby…”_

“The baby didn’t make it?”

_“The baby’s fine. Crowley…”_

Sam’s voice broke and Dean cursed.

_“Dean?”_

“Sam?”

_“Can you bring Cass?”_

“On our way,” Dean said ending the call.

“The baby,” Cass asked.

“The baby’s fine. It’s Crowley that seems to be in trouble. Sam’s asking for you.”

Cass gave a nod and placed a hand on Dean’s shoulder. Instantly they appeared in Sam’s room. Sam held a baby in one arm and his other hand rested on an unmoving Crowley. Cass bent down and inspected Crowley. Both brothers held their breath. Finally Cass looked up at them.

“I’m not sure if I can save him but I’m willing to try,” Cass announced as he eyed Sam.

Sam gave a sharp nod. Cass gently gripped Sam’s wrist and removed his hand.

“You can’t be touching him while I attempt to help him,” Cass said quietly. 

*-*-*-*-*

Struggling from the blackness that threatened to consume him Crowley finally managed to open his eyes. For a while he wasn’t sure if his eyes were open or not. Everything was still pitch black. His mind was still groggy and he still didn’t understand what had just happened. All of a sudden everything hit him at once. The baby!

“Sam,” Crowley gasped.

“Sh. Sh baby, I’m here. Everything’s fine, I’m right here.”

“The baby. Sam, the baby.”

“She’s fine too, baby. Everything’s just fine now.”

Relaxing Crowley struggled to get his breathing under control. He took several deep breaths as Sam’s words filtered through his mind. Sam and the baby were fine. Both made it through everything. He still had his Sam and his baby. 

“She,” Crowley whispered.

“Yeah, baby. It’s a girl.”

“Mary. If you don’t mind, I want to name her Mary.”

“Mary,” Sam agreed. “Mary Jo?”

“Mary Jo Winchester,” Crowley hummed. “Mm, I like it.”

“Crowley?”

“Hm?”

“Dean will kill me if I don’t let him know you’re awake.”

“Later. I want to see our baby first,” Crowley insisted.

“She’s with Dean and Cass.”

“I want to see her now. Take me to her.”

“I’ll have them bring her here. No getting up for you right now.”

There was a few soft fumbling noises in the darkness before a light appeared. Sam’s phone Crowley realized. Laying in the bed, snuggled against his Sam, Crowley fought to remain calm. He needed to see his baby. Needed to _know_ she was alright.

“Dean?”

Pause.

“Yeah, he’s awake.”

Another pause.

“He seems to be doing alright. He wants to see her.”

A shorter pause.

“Yeah but I’d like to tell you two in person.”

Yet another short pause.

“Yeah, talk to you when you get here. Later.”

Sam finally ended the call.

“Well,” Crowley demanded.

“Calm down, baby. They’re on their way.”

There was a soft knock on their door. It opened before they had a chance to respond. Cass and Dean entered with Dean holding their baby. 

“Please,” Crowley begged, struggling to sit up. “Please let me hold her.”

“Sh,” Dean whispered, walking closer. “She’s sleeping. You’ll wake her.” 

Bending down he placed the baby in Crowley’s arms. Her eyes fluttered softly but didn’t open. She seemed to shift her head until it was leaning against Crowley’s chest. Crowley’s mouth opened but he couldn’t remember how to speak. Gods she was the most beautiful thing he had ever seen.

“So you two settled on a name,” Dean asked quietly.

“Mary Jo,” Sam answered.

“Marry me,” Crowley blurted out suddenly. “Marry me. I love you and I have to do this right. She needs her parents married,” he insisted.

In the dim light from the doorway he saw Sam and Dean exchange a look.

“Please Sam,” Crowley begged.

Slowly Sam extracted himself from the covers and got out of the bed. He opened the drawer of his night table and pulled out something small. Walking around the bed he made his way to Crowley’s side and knelt down. Raising his hands he opened a small box.

“Crowley. I’ve been in love before, I won’t deny it. But that just served to help me realize how I felt about you sooner than I otherwise might have. I can’t imagine my life without you in it. I promise to do everything I can to take care of you, keep you happy, and keep you safe. I would love to spend the rest of our lives together. Will you marry me?”

Crowley’s mouth dropped open. His mind stumbled trying to find words. He seemed to have forgotten how to speak.

“Baby?”

“Yes!”

Their baby stirred in his arms and Crowley glanced down. She opened her eyes and blinked several times. Finally her eyes settled on him. She cocked her head much the same way Castiel did and Crowley could have sworn she smiled. “Hey little one,” Crowley whispered.


	4. Chapter 4

Though Mary was her first name the group seemed to settle on calling her Jo. In Dean’s case it was JoJo. Crowley had never been in awe as much as when he looked at her. Had he really helped to create this perfect little being? He intended to stay awake for the rest of the night to ensure that she wanted for nothing. Despite his best efforts he fell asleep.

It wasn’t until the next morning that he woke. When Crowley finally opened his eyes he yawned and stretched. Turning he inspected the bed. His first thought was annoyance that Sam had already gotten up for the morning. His second thought was of Jo. Crowley sat up instantly and double checked the room for his baby. Nope, definitely not here. Crowley threw the covers back and hurried out of bed.

*****

“Who’s a perfect baby,” Dean cooed as he held Jo. “Yep, that’s right. You are. My perfect little niece. And you’re going to know everything, from all the best bands to how to defend yourself against anyone that wants to hurt you. Not that you’ll ever have to defend yourself. You just tell me and I’ll take care of them for you.”

“Can I hold _my_ baby now,” Sam huffed.

“I just got her, you can wait.”

“You’ve been holding her for more than two hours,” Sam argued.

“Sam,” Crowley’s voice called loudly and cut off any reply Dean would have made. “Sam!”

Sam stood and made his way to the stairs. He frowned as he noted Crowley taking them two at a time. Making his way up the stairs he grabbed Crowley’s arm just as Crowley stumbled slightly. “Damn it Crowley, slow down. You’re going to hurt yourself.”

“Jo! Where’s Jo?”

“Dean’s holding her. Calm down Crowley, she’s fine.”

“You should have told me you were taking her,” Crowley grumbled yanking his arm out of Sam’s hold and crossing his arms over his chest.

“There was no reason to wake you. You needed your sleep.”

“She’s my daughter too!”

“You were sleeping baby. I just wanted to let you rest. Come on, we’re all in the kitchen.”

Sam took Crowley by the arm and helped him down the stairs. They made their way to the kitchen and stopped at the archway. Dean was humming as he heated a bottle while still holding Jo.

Crowley stepped forward and wavered slightly. “I’ll take her,” Crowley told Dean.

Dean glanced back to Crowley and lowered his brows. “Not until you sit down. You’re likely to fall over at any second. I’m not letting you hold her while you’re standing.”

“She’s my daughter,” Crowley argued.

“And she’s my niece.” Dean paused briefly. “I’ll hand her to Sam. He can hand her over to you when you’ve taken a seat. I’m not risking you dropping her because you’re being stubborn.” Dean crossed the kitchen and gently transferred Jo to Sam’s arms.

“Be careful heating that,” Crowley said nervously.

“I’ve heated plenty of bottles in my time. I know what I’m doing, trust me.”

“Since when did you ever spend time taking care of babies,” Crowley asked as he took a seat.

“I used to take care of Sammy,” Dean said as he turned back to the bottle. 

Crowley turned back and raised an eyebrow at Sam.

Sam shrugged. “I was six months old. It’s not like I remember a lot from then.” Sam bent down and transferred their daughter to him.

“She’s a little fussy, but she should be fine as soon as she gets her ba,” Dean told them.

“Ba,” Crowley repeated questioningly.

Dean turned back and tested the bottle on his wrist. “It’s what Sam used to call them,” he said with a shrug as he handed the bottle over to Crowley.

Crowley took the bottle and glanced from it to Jo and back to the bottle. Biting his lip he lowered the bottle and tried to get the squirming baby take take it. He was completely unsuccessful. Crowley bit his lip harder and continued trying to get Jo to take the bottle.

“Hold on a second,” Dean said.

Reaching over Dean held the end of the bottle. He tapped the bottle lightly against Jo’s lips until a few drops of milk rested on her lips. Slowly Jo stilled and licked at her lips. Her mouth opened and closed a few times and Dean guided Crowley’s hand until Jo took the bottle and began to eat.

“See? There you go. It’s not that hard once you get the hang of it,” Dean said encouragingly.

“Thanks,” Crowley mumbled. His eyes never left his daughter. _Mine_ , he thought. _Mine and Sam’s. We made this. Her. Together._ There was a sudden bright flash and Crowley blinked several times trying to clear his vision. Sam stood next to them holding a camera.

“Sorry. It’s your first time feeding her and you two just looked so perfect. I couldn’t help it, I had to get a picture.”

Crowley grinned and turned back to the baby in his arms. Maybe, just maybe they could make this work. Sam seemed happy and Jo was absolutely perfect. With Dean and Castiel watching over them maybe this would be the one thing that got to go right for him.

*-*-*-*-*  
Five Weeks Later  
*-*-*-*-*

“So you’re sure you have everything you’re going to need,” Sam asked again.

“Yes Sam,” Crowley replied for the fourth time.

“And your cellphone’s charged?”

“Yes Sam.”

“You know you can call me if you need anything at _any_ time?”

“Yes Sam.”

“I already made-”

“Four extra bottles of formula and they’re in the fridge. Yes Sam.”

“I’m repeating myself aren’t I?”

“Yes Sam,” Crowley answered with a smile. Standing on his tiptoes he kissed Sam’s cheek. “Stop worrying, we’ll be fine,” Crowley insisted.

“I can’t help it. I’ve never been away from her for more than a few hours, let alone a full night.”

“If all goes well you’ll only be gone one night. We’ll survive, I promise.”

Sam turned to face his brother. 

Dean glanced down to the baby resting in his arms. “I think your daddy’s nervous,” he told Jo. 

“Shut up,” Sam snapped.

Dean tsked and shook his head. “Such a temper, huh JoJo?”

“I’ll show you temper,” Sam mumbled. “Come on, let’s go.”

Dean raised Jo and kissed her on the forehead. “Time to go to mommy,” he told Jo.

Sam rolled his eyes. 

“You make sure to take care of him until we get back,” Dean told Jo as he handed her to Crowley.

“Ha ha,” Crowley stated flatly as he took his daughter. Crowley pulled her close and nuzzled against the side of her cheek. “I think Uncle Dean is just as worried as daddy is but doesn’t want to admit it,” Crowley murmured to his daughter.

This time Dean rolled his eyes. 

Dean opened his mouth to reply but Sam cut him off. “Come on, let’s go,” Sam ordered.

Crowley watched as Sam and Dean walked to the door. Dean left first. As Sam started to leave he hesitated at the door and looked back. Crowley raised the arm he wasn’t holding Jo with and pointed at the door. Shaking his head Sam finally left.

*****

Crowley opened his eyes and blinked a few times. The sound of Jo’s crying rang through the room. Shoving the covers back he stood and walked over to the crib. Jo’s face was scrunched up and her tiny little hands were balled into fists. 

“Sh, little one. It’s alright.”

Reaching down he picked up Jo and rested her against his left shoulder. He bounced her gently and started pacing the room. His mind was finally becoming cognizant. He should check if she needed to be changed but it was more than likely that she was just hungry. Making his way to the bed he laid her down. Smiling at her he ran a finger softly down the side of her face and froze. Quickly he placed the tips of his fingers against her forehead. Was she warmer than normal or was he imagining it?

“Oh please don’t be sick, little one. Please don’t be sick,” Crowley begged.

*-*-*-*-*

Sam glared at their captor. With the gag in he couldn’t say the things he wanted to but he thought them at her. She reached a hand down towards him and he jerked away growling.

“Such a temper. I assure you, it’s not you I want. I have no intentions of harming you or your brother.”

Sam stopped growling but continued to glare. He was the only person in this room. If she had Dean as well she was keeping him elsewhere. She might not have him, though. Dean was pretty resourceful.

“The thing is, you two have something I want.” She clasped her hands in front of her. “Hopefully we can come to an arrangement that works for both parties. You boys can be quite useful. I would hate for anything to happen to either one of you.”

*-*-*-*-*

“Are you sure there’s nothing you can tell me over the phone?”

_“I’m sorry but you’ll have to bring her in so we can make a proper diagnosis.”_

“Damn it,” Crowley muttered. “Fine,” Crowley growled hanging up.

He turned to Jo who was still fussy but not crying at the moment. Was she more flushed than normal? Gods if anything happened to his baby… Nope. Jo would be fine. He would take her to the hospital and they would tell him he was over reacting. Sam would show up tomorrow sometime and laugh at him for being overly nervous. He picked her up and rested her against his chest bouncing her gently.

He scrolled through the contacts until he found Sam and hit call. Just the same as the first time he called the phone went straight to voicemail. “Damn it,” Crowley cursed as he ended the call. Jo fussed loudly a few more times and Crowley bounced her lightly. “Sh, little one. I know, I know. I’m over-reacting but better safe than sorry. Besides, if something is wrong the quicker we get you to the hospital the quicker you’ll feel better. Come on little one, let’s go see which car we can borrow shall we?”

*****

Crowley rushed into the emergency room with the diaper bag on one shoulder and Jo on the other shoulder. The second he spotted the admissions desk he rushed over to it. He adjusted Jo and turned to the nurse on duty.

“I think my daughter’s sick.”

“Sign in please.”

Crowley eyed the paper annoyed. He shifted Jo to his left shoulder. Grabbing the pen he filled out the sign-in form. He paused when it asked him for the time and glanced back to the nurse behind the glass.

“What time is it,” he asked.

Without looking up the nurse pointed to the clock behind her with a pen. Crowley clenched his jaw to keep from making a snarky comment. He scribbled two thirty-two into the box marked time and made his way to a chair. Dropping the diaper bag beside the chair he pulled his cell out and tried Sam again. 

_“It’s Sam. Leave a message.”_

“Damn it Sam where are you,” Crowley growled. “Look I’m not sure if Jo is sick or not but I took her to the hospital. Call me.”

*****

“Jo Winchester,” a nurse called.

_Thank Gods_ , Crowley thought. “Here,” he called. He grabbed the diaper bag and made his way over to the door where the nurse was standing. 

“If you’ll follow me,” she said as she turned and led him through the door. The nurse led him into a room and sat down on a rolling stool behind the desk. “I just need to ask a few questions first.”

*-*-*-*-*

Dean eyed the woman as she sat in front of him staring back.

“What possible use could you have for a non-demon demon,” she asked finally. “For all intents and purposes he’s human now so it can’t have anything to do with his powers. With the gates to hell closed any left over demonic knowledge he has would be worthless. He’s utterly useless to you two. Turn him over to me and you two can go free. It’s as simple as that, love.”

Love? Dean lowered his brows. He only knew one other person that used that endearment. Was her connection with Crowley deeper than mere acquaintances as she claimed? So far she hadn’t actually used his name. She only referred to him as a former demon or a non-demon demon but there weren’t any others that fit that description.

“Why don’t you tell me where I can find him so that we can all be on our way and put this whole mess behind us, hm?”

“Why don’t you tell me why you really want him first,” Dean countered.

The woman waved a hand dismissively. “I told you, it’s not really that important. Just a loose end that’s all.”

“A loose end as in you want to kill him?”

“Of course not. I assure you I have no intentions of killing him and every intention of keeping him alive. If it’s his health you’re worried about then worry not. He will not be killed nor will I allow anyone to harm him.”

“Anyone other than yourself?”

The redhead smiled but it was definitely _not_ a happy smile. “That all depends on him really. If he doesn’t force me to harm him he will be as safe as a lamb.”

Something about this woman put him on edge. There was an aura about her that radiated danger. This was a woman that was used to getting her way and God help anyone that stood in her way. Yeah? Well there was no way he was going to hand Crowley to her. Even before JoJo he wouldn’t do that to Sam.

“Why protect him? What could he possibly be to you,” she asked.

“What is he to you,” Dean shot back.

*-*-*-*-*

“Are you sure she’ll be alright?”

The nurse smiled. “She’s your first isn’t she?”

“Yes,” Crowley admitted.

“If she gets worse you can bring her back in but more than likely she’ll be fine. It can be pretty nerve wracking at times but it gets easier. Where’s her mother?”

Crowley stopped himself before he could bite his lower lip. “Thank you for the help. I’ll be sure to call if anything changes.” He turned his attention back to his daughter, ignoring the nurse.

“Sorry, I didn’t mean to upset you.”

Crowley sighed heavily. “Sorry. I didn’t mean to come off as rude but… technically speaking I’m the mother.”

The nurse looked momentarily stunned. A light bulb seemed to go off in her mind. “Ah, got it. So she’s adopted? Wait, never mind. I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to infer anything. I just…”

“It’s fine.”

Her hand settled on his arm and he looked back to her face.

“If you’re happy that’s all that matters,” she said with a smile.

Crowley looked down to Jo and smiled. “I’m happy,” he whispered.


	5. Chapter 5

Crowley tried Sam’s cell for the tenth time. Again it went straight to voicemail. Damn it, where was Sam? Crowley bit his lower lip and inspected his daughter. Jo was laying in his arms fast asleep. Any other time he might have gone to find Sam. If he did that now what would he do with Jo?

“Damn it, little one. What am I supposed to do?”

A thought finally struck him. The angel, he could call Castiel. Crowley closed his eyes and prayed to the angel.

.

Castiel ported into Sam and Crowley’s room.

“Finally! Find Sam,” Crowley ordered.

“Have you tried calling him?”

“Of course I bloody well tried calling him. It goes straight to voicemail.”

“Did something happen to them?”

“Something had to have happened. There’s no way he would have turned his phone off on his own. He told me I could call him _any_ time.”

“Let me see if I can find them and I’ll get back to you.”

Before Crowley could answer Castiel was gone. Damned angels. He always hated when they did that. Looking down to Jo Crowley hoped nothing had happened to Sam. Maybe they were somewhere that didn’t have cell reception? Crowley laid down on the bed and placed Jo on his chest. He rubbed her back as he waited for Castiel to return.

*-*-*-*-*

As someone shook his shoulder Crowley shrugged trying to get away from them. The hand shook his shoulder again. Again Crowley tried to shrug out of their grasp. 

“Crowley.”

Crowley groaned and started to roll over. Before he could move too far the hand on his shoulder tightened painfully. In the next instant two things happened. The first thing was the sound of loud crying filling his ears. The second was the feeling of a weight on his chest lessening. Jo! Crowley’s eyes shot open. Castiel was holding Jo trying awkwardly to comfort her.

“Give her to me,” Crowley ordered.

Castiel hesitated.

“Give me my baby,” Crowley growled. “Now.”

Castiel finally held Jo out to Crowley. Crowley grabbed Jo carefully and brought her back to his chest. He placed a hand behind her head and rocked her. 

“Sh little one. I’ve got you. Everything will be alright little one,” he whispered to her as he continued to rock.

“You almost rolled over on her,” Castiel informed him.

Crowley winced. Damn it! How could he have forgotten about her? If Castiel hadn’t stopped him and grabbed Jo he could have hurt her. Stupid, Crowley berated himself. Should have fucking remembered. _“Worthless slave! Will you never learn? Stupid!”_

Crowley shook his head trying to clear Lucifer’s voice out of his mind. “Sh, I’m sorry little one. It’ll be okay. Please calm down,” he whispered. Crowley shoved the covers back and stood. Pacing he continued whispering and rocking her. When she finally calmed down a little he made his way to the door.

“Crowley,” Castiel questioned.

“Got to get her a bottle,” Crowley said over his shoulder. 

As he made his way to the kitchen Castiel followed. Lucifer’s insults repeated over and over and Crowley fought to ignore them. It was harder to ignore them now, when Lucifer had been right. He _was_ stupid. How could he have forgotten about Jo lying on his chest? Entering the kitchen he opened the fridge and grabbed one of the bottles Sam had left. Sam… Crowley turned back to Castiel.

“Did you find out anything about Sam?”

“I know where they are but I cannot get to them.”

Crowley froze.

“The place is warded against everything, including angels.”

Crowley glanced back down to Jo. He needed to help Sam but he couldn’t take her with him. What the hell was he supposed to do? He looked back to the angel. “Will you watch her for me,” Crowley asked. “I have to help Sam.”

“I’m not sure if that’s a good idea.”

“I have to help him. I can’t take her with me, it could be dangerous.”

“That is why I am not sure if it is a good idea. If anything happened to you she would have no one.”

“She would have you. If anything’s happened to Sam and Dean… I can’t take care of her on my own. I _need_ Sam. Please Castiel.”

“Crowley…”

“Please! I can’t take care of a baby on my own! I can’t! I’ll screw it up completely. I can’t lose Sam either. I need him. Please, you have to help. You can’t get to him, I can. I’m not an angel or a demon any more, I’m human. I can get in where you can’t.”

Castiel cocked his head and Crowley waited.

“Some of the warding was done in blood,” Castiel stated. “Whoever did them was a witch.”

Crowley nodded sharply. “Understood.”

The angel held out a hand and flicked his wrist. Instantly an angel blade appeared. “Take this,” Castiel stated, flipping the blade so he was holding the tip and offering the hilt.

Crowley grabbed the blade and gave another nod.

“I’ll port you there and then back here immediately. Hand me Mary.”

While the others called her Jo Castiel was the one person that called her Mary. It actually made Crowley happy to hear someone calling her Mary, Sam and Dean’s mother’s name. Crowley’s vision shot back to his daughter. Could he really leave her?

“Crowley. You can’t take her, you know that. She’s safer here.”

“I know,” Crowley growled.

_“You will never be worthy of more than this! Worthless, good for nothing, slut!”_

His eyes slid closed as he tried to keep himself from shaking.

“Crowley?”

Right. Castiel. Crowley opened his eyes and met the angel’s gaze. “Promise me something. If anything happens to Sam and I promise me you’ll tell her how much she was loved by us.”

“I will tell her while you are gone and when you all return you can tell her yourself.”

“Thank you,” Crowley whispered. Leaning down he kissed Jo on her forehead. Holding his arms out he handed her to the angel. Castiel took her and cradled her against his chest. “She’s ill,” Crowley said suddenly. “Not too much but a little. You have to keep an eye on her to make sure it doesn’t get worse. If it does-”

Castiel placed a finger against Jo’s forehead. “She is well,” Castiel announced.

Crowley breathed a sigh of relief. Why hadn’t he thought to ask Castiel if he could help her? _“Stupid slave.”_ Damn it.

“Ready,” Crowley stated.

*-*-*-*-*

He knew he should have stayed at the bunker long enough to prepare some spells to defend himself against the witch but he couldn’t stop himself from getting to Sam as soon as possible. Besides, he could handle himself against a generic witch. It was Sam he was worried about. He had to trust that Sam and Dean were still alive. If they were dead the witch would have moved on already.

Carefully Crowley entered the deceptively modest house. His skin crawled at the magic he felt emanating off of the house. Something about it felt familiar. Almost all of the witches he knew were dead. He couldn’t think of any who might be alive and stupid enough to abduct both Winchesters. He was going to have to tread carefully. This witch had been smart enough to abduct both of the brothers and ward against angels.

The house looked completely normal, but Crowley knew better. Any half-talented witch would make sure their defenses were well hidden. While he could feel magic in the house, if the witch was as talented as he figured she would be, most of those were probably for show. A lot of the ‘real’ defenses were probably undetectable until the last moment. In the living room Crowley froze mid-step. Pulling his foot back he lowered it to the ground. Bending forward he gently tilted the closest chair. He frowned when he didn’t find anything. The was the perfect place to hide a hex bag.

He searched the house thoroughly and found several wards and hex bags. What he didn’t find was Sam, Dean or the witch. A lot of the spell work he left alone. Most of it was either no threat to him or something he could work around. He didn’t want to waste time dealing with things that could be left for later. After searching the whole house he realized he would have to do something he had been avoiding. 

He had been purposely not using magic in case the witch in question was sensitive and could feel it. When he found no signs of anyone in the house he had no other choice. He whispered the words and signed the movements with his hands from memory. Blinking once his vision changed. It was subtle but he knew what to look for. He followed the discolored patches slowly. He always hated spells that screwed with his vision. They made him nervous. It always felt like someone would be able to creep up behind and surprise him.

Cautiously he followed the trail of magic, hoping like hell the witch wasn’t sensitive to magic. Through it all the vague sense of familiarity persisted. He _knew_ this witch. Warning bells rang in the back of his mind putting his nerves even more on edge. Every fiber in him screamed that he should be fleeing. He frowned as he followed the trail of magic. If this witch was that dangerous then what condition would Sam be in when he found him? Finally he found what he was looking for. 

*****

Instantly the pain stopped. More accurately, it stopped increasing. The pain he already felt remained steady. Dean took advantage of the situation, trying to get a few good breaths. His lungs burned as he inhaled. Raising one hand he wiped the blood out of his eyes and scanned the room. He stilled the second his eyes fell on Crowley.

“Well, well, well,” the woman said slowly.

Crowley’s mouth opened and closed like he was trying to speak but couldn’t. Suddenly Crowley began making his way backward. Tripping over his own feet Crowley fell but continued to scoot away from the woman. Crowley’s head shook as he tried to back away further but only managed to press himself against the wall.

“If I had known you would come to me I wouldn’t have wasted time questioning the boys.”

Obviously Crowley knew this woman. Dean didn’t wait to figure out how Crowley knew her. He made his way to his feet and staggered slightly. The woman was slowly advancing on Crowley as the former demon continued trying to get away from her. Dean didn’t want to contemplate what it would take for Crowley to be that terrified. He hadn’t seen a reaction similar to this since they’d rescued him from hell. 

Carefully he made his way to the tray of instruments she had laying out to use later. So far she hadn’t resorted to anything physical, using magic instead. Damn he hated witches. He steadied himself on the tray as he inspected the items. A silver knife glistened brightly in the light. Dean grabbed it and staggered towards the woman towering over Crowley. 

“I thought it would be more difficult to find you. Apparently you know who your real Master is, in spite of your ignorance.”

“No,” Crowley whispered. “Sam…”

“As in Winchester,” the woman asked. She let out a derisive laugh. “You honestly see _him_ as your Master? The Winchesters aren’t even good enough to protect themselves. Case in point,” she said waving a hand behind herself.

Dean had almost made it to her when he was flung backward and pinned against the far wall. His head struck the wall and he winced in pain. He struggled against the force but couldn’t break free. Damn it!

“No,” Crowley shouted. “Leave him alone!”

The woman turned back to Crowley.

“Make me,” she taunted.

Crowley trembled harder and ducked his head. Dean frowned at the way this woman could affect Crowley. Obviously they knew each other well. The question was how. How did this woman know Crowley? Dean decided it didn’t matter. All that mattered was that Crowley was terrified of the woman. 

“Hey! How about you pick on someone who can fight back!”

Pausing, the woman turned around and eyed him. “I suppose you mean yourself?” Slowly she made her way closer. “Hm. You don’t seem to be up to the task either,” she mused.

“Yeah? How about you drop the spell and see how up to the task I am?”

A hearty laugh rang out from her and Dean growled in frustration. He had to protect Crowley. The fact that Crowley’s death would cause Sam pain was only part of it. Crowley was his niece’s parent, his brother’s love and somewhere along the way Dean had come to think of the former demon as family. 

“What’s the matter? Scared I might be able to get the upper hand in a fair fight?”

A wicked grin spread across her face. “Why would I want a ‘fair fight’? Better to win than to worry about fairness.”

There was a small movement behind her. Dean struggled to find something to say that would keep her attention as she started to turn. “I’m more useful to you,” he shouted. 

The woman turned back to face him.

“Think about it,” he continued. “Who wouldn’t want to get there hands on one of us, let alone both of us?”

Her body jerked and her mouth opened. The force of whatever spell she was using to keep him pressed against the wall dissipated. Dean hit the ground hard and the woman started to fall. She slid to her knees, gasping, her hands reaching around to claw at the angel blade sticking out of her back. Crowley stood just behind her staring at the writhing woman. Finally she fell to the ground. Laying on her side she jerked a few times before she finally stilled. Through it all Crowley stood just staring.

“Crowley,” Dean whispered.

Crowley gave no indication of hearing him.

“Crowley,” Dean whispered again.

Still no response. Worried, Dean placed a hand gently on Crowley’s shoulder. Crowley jerked away and finally faced him. His eyes were terrified and wild. Instantly Crowley brought his hands up and backed away.

“No! Please!” Crowley shouted as he continued to back away.

“It’s okay Crowley, it’s just me.”

“Don’t hurt me! I’m sorry! Don’t!”

“Crowley it’s okay. It’s just me,” Dean attempted to reassure him.

Crowley didn’t seem to hear him.

“Sam!” Crowley turned left and right as he continued moving. “Sam!”

Abruptly there was a banging noise from somewhere nearby. Crowley and Dean both turned to the direction of the sound. 

“Sam,” Crowley whispered, wrapping his arms around himself.

The banging noise continued, sounding more frantic. Cautiously Dean made his way to a door on the far side of the room. At the door he hesitated. He had no idea if the woman had been working alone. What if the person on the other side of the door was ‘the enemy’? There was nothing to do but check. Gripping the doorknob he tensed and finally jerked the door open. Inside the connecting room he found Sam, bound and gagged, banging his head against the wall behind him.

“Sam,” Dean called hoarsely.

Sam’s head whipped around and their eyes met.

“Mmphf,” Sam shouted against the gag.

“Sam,” Crowley whispered. 

Dean jumped. At some point Crowley had quietly made his way to just behind him. The look in Crowley’s eyes was still one of fear but the wild quality had finally abated some. Crowley bit his lower lip as he gazed past Dean and into the next room.

“Love,” Crowley breathed.

Dean finally forced himself forward and pulled the gag out of his brother’s mouth and began to untie him.

“Crowley,” Sam said affectionately. “It’s okay baby.”

Dean was shoved sideways and out of the way. The former demon dropped to the ground and put his head in Sam’s lap. Curling up around Sam Crowley began to whimper.

“Sh, baby. It’s okay. I’m safe now.” Sam ran his hands softly over Crowley’s back.

“I killed her. I killed her for you. I couldn’t do it to save myself but I couldn’t let her hurt you. I’m sorry. I’m so sorry.”

“Sh, baby,” Sam soothed. “Everything’s fine now.”

“No it’s not. It’s not fine.” Crowley insisted still clinging onto Sam. “I killed her.” 

Sam glanced up to Dean. Dean pulled his eyes away from Crowley and met Sam’s stare. He nodded back to the other room and ran his right thumb across his neck. Sam gave one soft nod before returning his attention back to Crowley. 

“Baby? Can you help me here? I’m not understanding.”

“My mother,” Crowley whimpered.

Sam’s hands froze as his eyes shot back to Dean’s. For a while they only stared at each other in shock. Finally Sam blinked several times and shook his head as if to clear it. His hands returned to rubbing Crowley’s back.

“Baby? Can you look at me?”

Crowley shook his head violently and refused to lift his head.

“Sh baby,” Sam murmured. He leaned down and rested his cheek against Crowley’s head. “Sh baby, everything’s alright now.”

“It’s not,” Crowley insisted pitifully.

Dean caught his brother’s eyes and waited until he had Sam’s attention. When Sam looked up Dean poked an index finger at his own chest and hooked his thumb to the room behind him. Sam nodded and bent back to comforting Crowley. Quietly Dean extracted himself and left Sam to comfort Crowley alone. Nothing he could do or say would help right now so the best thing he could do is give them time and space.


	6. Chapter 6

Dean leaned against the Impala and stared at the sky. As much as he wanted to help, he knew there was no way he could. Crowley needed Sam. His presence would only complicate things. He had to leave and let Sam help the former demon. Crowley’s mother. At least now he knew their connection. 

*-*-*-*-*

When he heard footsteps Dean glanced over and saw his brother and Crowley walking toward him. Shoving himself off of the Impala he waited until they were at the car. Sam shook his head and opened the back door. Crowley got into the car without a word and Sam shut the door. Grabbing Dean’s shoulder Sam led him away from the car.

“He just really needs to go home right now, okay? I’ll answer questions later but for now…”

“Got it,” Dean acknowledged. 

As Sam started back to the car Dean stopped him.

“Just tell me how bad it was? I saw his reaction Sam. He hasn’t acted like that since Lucifer.”

“Bad,” Sam whispered. “Bad enough for him to sell his soul for her.”

“Damn it.”

“We really need to get him home.”

“Yeah. Got it.”

*-*-*-*-*

No one spoke the whole way home. When they finally arrive Crowley refused to move unless he was holding Sam’s hand. Dean opened the door for them and waited until the other two made their way past before entering himself. Cass was waiting in the living room. The angel eyed them as Sam and Crowley passed. Dean stopped to talk with Cass when they were finally alone. 

“Is Crowley alright?”

“I don’t think so,” Dean replied as he watched the other two disappear upstairs. When they were finally out of sight he turned back to Cass. “The witch was Crowley’s mother.”

Cass winced slightly. “Everything turned out alright though. I mean you all came back safe.”

“Crowley had to kill her.”

Cass winced again. “How is he doing?”

“Not good. He panicked and Sam had to calm him. He’s been like this since then.”

“Sam will be able to help him.”

“I know. I just hate when I can’t do anything. I swear Cass, if he asks me to hurt him again because he feels like he needs to be punished… Where’s JoJo?”

Sleeping,” Cass answered stepping aside so that Dean could see the baby carrier in the living room.

“Maybe seeing her would help him?”

Cass shrugged. “Maybe.”

*-*-*-*-*

“Baby?”

Crowley rolled over and faced the wall. Sam put a hand on Crowley’s arm and let it rest there. Fuck he hated when his baby was upset. He knew exactly what was going on in Crowley’s mind and didn’t like it one bit.

“I love you, you know?”

“Why,” Crowley whispered.

“Because I do baby.”

“I killed my own mother Sam.”

“You did what you had to. She left you no other choice.”

“There’s always a choice.”

“Baby, tell me how to help you.”

“You can’t.”

“What about Jo?”

“No. I’ll just end up ruining her life.”

“No you won’t. Please let me help you baby.”

“You can’t. I’m never going to be worth anything,” Crowley said as he shrugged Sam’s hand off of his arm.

“That’s Lucifer talking,” Sam growled.

Crowley turned and glanced over his shoulder back to Sam. “Yeah? Well he was right,” Crowley snapped.

Grabbing Crowley’s shoulder Sam shoved it down onto the bed until he was pinning Crowley against the bed. “The fuck he was. You listen to me. You’re worth more than anything else in the world to me. The only people I care about as much as I love you are Dean and Jo. Don’t you dare fucking listen to what that bastard said.”

“I don’t understand why you love me.”

“You don’t have to understand it, you just have to accept it.”

“You don’t know all the things I’ve done. The people I’ve hurt.”

“I know who you are now. I know all the people you’ve helped, all the things you do now to keep others safe.”

“It’s not enough Sam. I will never be able to wipe out all of the bad-”

“Stop. God baby why can’t you see yourself through my eyes?”

Crowley closed his eyes and turned away. Sam leaned down and wrapped his arms around his baby. He had to find a way to help Crowley. There was a light knock on his door just before it opened. Dean, holding Jo, walked just barely into the room and stopped. Sam turned back to Crowley and nudged him slightly. Opening his eyes Crowley turned towards the door.

“Jo,” Crowley whispered.

“She just woke up,” Dean stated. “I changed her and fed her. I thought you might like to spend some time with her too.”

Crowley’s eyes slid shut again. “You take her,” he whispered to Sam.

Right. He’d had enough of this moping. Standing up Sam crossed the room and took his daughter. Crossing the room again Sam laid Jo on Crowley’s chest. Crowley’s eyes shot open.

“What the hell Sam!”

“Don’t yell that close to her ears Crowley,” Sam warned.

“I’ll drop her or something. You have to take her back.”

“You’re lying down, you can’t drop her. All you have to do is make sure she doesn’t roll off of you.”

“Damn it Sam, she’s not safe with me. I screw up everything I touch!”

“Stop yelling, and no you don’t. Unless you consider her a ‘screw up’.”

“That’s different,” Crowley argued. “She’s half you.”

“And half you Crowley. You’re going to have to accept the past and move on. You’re not the same person anymore.”

“No, I’m a weakling who can’t-”

“Enough. You killed the devil Crowley. How could you possibly see yourself as weak?”

“I… I don’t…”

“Baby, you’re not weak. You survived years and _years_ of torture and abuse, you broke through all of his brainwashing, you took your life back, you iced the devil and you carried our beautiful baby girl for more than seven months. How the hell can you seriously call yourself weak?”

Just as Sam finished speaking Jo balled up a fist and shook her arm as she let out a short cry of displeasure. 

“Even she agrees,” Sam said smiling.

Crowley shook his head and pick up Jo. Sitting up he stared at her for a few moments. She let out another short cry as she shook her arm again. 

“Okay little one, I can’t fight you both. You win. Maybe I’m not as worthless as I think.”

“Damned straight,” Sam replied instantly.

“You two better start watching your language around my niece,” Dean grumbled.

“Point taken,” Crowley answered. “You really are the most perfect thing that I’ve ever created,” Crowley whispered to Jo.

“Right,” Sam stated. “Okay, alone time now. See you two later.” Sam walked over to the doorway and began ushering Cass and Dean out of the room. Dean resisted.

“I swear, if you two do anything inappropriate-”

“I’ll ask you to babysit,” Sam assured his brother. “Nothing ‘inappropriate' is happening tonight, just family bonding time. Now go,” Sam ordered. 

Finally Dean let himself be pushed out of the room and Sam shut the door. 

“Seriously, talk about overprotective,” Sam muttered.

“I’m actually glad,” Crowley murmured.

Sam turned around and eyed Crowley carefully. “Okay. Why?”

“If he’s that protective of her when it’s us, you know what he’ll be like around others. At least you know she’s always going to be safe, even if we’re not there.”

Sam thought about that. Dean would definitely never let anything happen to Jo. Not to mention Cass. He couldn’t see the angel letting anything happen to his daughter. If anything happened to Crowley or him Jo would still have them. She would always be safe as long as one of them was alive to protect her.

“You’re right,” he said with a smile. “Now scoot over so I can get into the bed too.”

“Of course, love.”

*-*-*-*-*

Crowley poked at his food a little before looking up to Sam.

“Sam?”

“Yeah baby?”

“I didn’t mean to pressure you. Did you really want to get married? Because if you don’t then…” 

“Then what? Don’t tell me you’d actually be okay if I said no.”

Crowley pressed his lips together as he tried to figure out how to answer that without pressuring Sam.

“Didn’t think so,” Sam continued. “Crowley, did it not tell you something that I already had the ring?”

“Yeah, but what if you were just going to ask out of sense propriety or something? What if you didn’t really want to get married but thought you had to at least ask?”

“What did I ever do to make you not trust me,” Sam asked quietly.

Crowley blinked in confusion. “You didn’t do anything. I do trust you.”

“It doesn’t seem like it sometimes,” Sam muttered.

“Sorry.”

“No. See… That’s not… Damn it Crowley.”

“What do you want me to say?”

“I don’t _want_ to tell you what to say. I just wish you could trust me.”

“I do,” Crowley insisted.

“Then why don’t you think I would really _want_ to marry you?”

“I don’t know. I told you I don’t even understand how you can care about me.”

“Love, Crowley. I don’t ‘care’ about you, I love you.”

“Yes, but why?”

“Damn it!”

From another room they heard Jo beginning to cry.

“Bollocks,” Crowley cursed. Standing up he started to leave the kitchen just as Dean walked in carrying Jo.

“You two want to keep it down? You’re upsetting her with your arguing,” Dean growled while glaring at them.

“I’ll take her,” Crowley said, starting forward.

Sam grabbed Crowley’s arm and halted him. “No. We need to have this conversation. You’re not going anywhere.”

“Damn it Sam-”

“Language,” Dean warned.

“Fine,” Crowley shot back. “One of us has to take her.”

“Nope,” Dean snapped. “You two finish what you’re doing. I can watch JoJo until you’re finished talking.”

“Dean give me my daughter,” Crowley growled.

“No,” Sam repeated. “We’re having this conversation. You can wait a few minutes.”

“I’m leaving before you two upset her further,” Dean interjected. Turning he exited the kitchen. Crowley glared at Dean’s back as he left.

“Crowley,” Sam called.

Crowley took a deep breath and released it.

“Crowley,” Sam repeated.

“What,” Crowley questioned as he turned back to Sam.

“Why can’t you accept that I love you?”

“Because I don’t understand why you would.”

“I’m not asking for you to understand. I’m asking for you to accept it.”

“How can I, when I can’t understand it?”

“Somethings you just have to take on faith.”

“Faith? Are you kidding me? After my past you really don’t get why I can’t accept-”

“See that’s where you get it wrong. Yes, the past is always going to be there but you can’t dwell on it. You have to let it go. I want our life to be a new start, baby. I know it’ll take time to fully accept everything but… I don’t know. It feels like you’re associating me with him when you can’t accept my feelings.”

Blinking several times Crowley stood in mute silence.

“Baby?”

“I do _not_ associate you with _him_ ,” Crowley hissed. “How could you ever think that?”

“If I move too quickly you still flinch. You almost never say I love you first. You don’t accept that I could love you. You always defer to me first for everything. You never stand up for yourself. You never instigate sex.”

“That part’s not true and you know it!”

“Okay, rarely ever.”

“You _know_ how hard that is for me!”

“I feel like I’m pushing you into it when I have to ask every time.”

“So stop asking!”

“I wouldn’t have to if you would ask for it when you want it!”

As Sam’s voice rose Crowley flinched back instinctively. Instantly he dropped his eyes to the ground. Sam never yelled at him but Lucifer used to yell at him all the time. The memories that washed over Crowley were a painful reminder of his time with the Archangel.

“Baby?”

“I… how often should I ask,” Crowley answered quietly.

“God baby, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to say that.”

“It’s fine, Sam.”

“No, it’s really not. You’re using Sam as Master again. I knew I would screw up.”

Crowley shook his head. “Not your fault,” he whispered.

“It _was_ my fault baby. I knew better than to push that way.”

“It’s not your fault I’m… fragile.”

“No, but it is my fault that I pressed you about sex when I knew better.”

“It’s… I’m…”

“Please don’t blame yourself.”

Crowley bit his lip. He couldn’t lose Sam. Whatever it took he had to do that. If that meant forcing himself to ask for sex more often… Well, he would just consider it a new rule, that’s all.

“Baby, don’t. I know how your mind works. Please don’t go there.”

“How often,” he asked again.

“Never, if you don’t feel comfortable. God baby, I’m so sorry.”

Arms wrapped around him pinning his and Crowley fought to control the rising panic. 

“Crowley? Baby talk to me.”

Crowley shook his head.

“Talk to me. Now.” 

There was no mistaking the tone. It was an order not a request.

“What do you wish me to say?”

“What’s wrong and what’s making it worse?”

“I… You… Nothing?”

“Don’t lie to me, Crowley.”

“Arms. I… I can’t move my arms,” Crowley mumbled.

Sam’s arms loosened and moved to slip under his. Lightly Sam wrapped them around Crowley’s middle. Leaning forward Sam rested his head on the top of Crowley’s shoulder.

“Better?”

“Yes.”

“Crowley, baby, please don’t blame yourself.”

“I can’t help it.”

“Sh, I know. I really am sorry.”

Crowley opened his mouth but Sam cut him off before he could speak.

“And don’t say I have nothing to be sorry for, please.”

“Yes, Sam.”

“Crowley?”

“Yes?”

“Can you call me love, instead of Sam?”

Finally the muscles in his body started to relax. “Yes, love.”

“Thank you baby.”

*-*-*-*-*

“Come on Dean, we’re going to be late,” Sam pressed.

“I still don’t know why I have to go. Can’t you do this without me?”

“No, we need to take your measurements, now come on.”

“I know my measurements. How do you think I know what to buy when we have to get new suits?”

“Yeah? Well, none of them fit you perfectly. We’re getting this done professionally.”

“I thought Crowley was girly one when it came to the wedding,” Dean mumbled.

“He already forced me to screw up my proposal plans. I’m not letting anything go wrong with the wedding, now move it.”

“Yeah, yeah. I heard you.”

Both of them got into the Impala and Dean started the engine. When he didn’t put the car into gear Sam turned questioningly to his brother.

“Sammy… How sure are you about this?”

“Excuse me?”

“I mean, how do we know it’s real and not just… I don’t know, some weird reverse Stockholm thing?”

“Are you trying to say he sees me as his captor?”

“No, but I mean, he still won’t eat anything if you don’t take a bite first.”

“Oh, come on Dean. So he still waits for me before he eats. That’s the _least_ of everything we’ve had to work on.”

“Look, I’m not saying don’t marry him.”

“Really? Cause it sure sounds that way.”

“I just want you to be sure before you do this.”

“I’ve never been more sure about anything in my life, Dean!”

“You really love him?”

“Yes!”

“Promise me?”

“I promise!”

“Look I just wanted to make sure you were marrying him for the right reasons, not because of some sense of duty or feeling of guilt.”

“Are you freaking kidding me? Of course I feel guilty over what happened but I’m dealing with it. Crowley and I have already talked about this. There was no way we could have known what was happening but that doesn’t stop me from thinking, ‘what if’. If all I felt for him was guilt I would never have slept with him in the first place. Bond or no bond I love him.”

“Then I’m good.”

“Really,” Sam asked skeptically.

“Really.”

“Good, then let’s go. We’re already late,” Sam huffed.


	7. Chapter 7

_Raphael?_

Nothing. Crowley sighed again. This was getting tiresome.

_Answer me._

“Crowley.”

“Finally!”

“I could leave.”

“No! I mean… Please don’t?”

“Perhaps. Speak.”

“I want to be worthy of my Sam.”

“Okay?”

“Can you help me to forget my past?”

“Let’s ignore whether or not I could and ask, why would I?”

“I did you a favor.”

“Don’t play games with me. What you did, you did for yourself.”

“Lie,” Crowley hissed. “It was never about me and you know it! It was always about Sam. You would have known if I was lying!”

“Watch your tone,” Raphael stated warningly.

Crowley pressed his lips together but continued to seethe.

“Even if you were still a demon I could still wipe the floor with you. Do not make me show you what an angel could do to a mortal.”

Crowley took a step backwards before he knew what he was doing. He knew precisely what an angel could do to a mortal. “You, you wouldn’t do that,” Crowley insisted.

“What makes you so sure of that?”

“You would gain nothing. You, I... It would resolve nothing. You wouldn’t do that without just cause.”

“Oh? Are you absolutely positive about that?”

Crowley took another step backward. “Castiel said… he said no other angel… He said it was only because Lucifer was a fallen angel.”

Raphael took another step forward and Crowley panicked.

“No! Sam!” Turning Crowley started to flee the room. The door slammed shut before he could reach it.

.

“Look all I’m saying is-”

“For the last time we aren’t putting Batman on the cake,” Sam grumbled.

“I was going to say the most popular choice is this year is Red Velvet cake,” Dean huffed.

“You hate Red Velvet cake, Dean.”

“I hate pretty much all cakes, Sammy.”

“Since when?”

“Since, like, ever. You’re determined to have cake. I just wanted to make sure it was the right kind.”

“How would you even know what the most popular kind is this year?”

“Brides Magazine Monthly.”

“Why the hell did you read that?”

Dean shrugged. “You want this to be perfect, I was researching.”

“You researched wedding cakes?”

“No, I researched basic weddings in comparison with same gender weddings. Cakes were just a part of that research. Although, why no one would pick pie is beyond me.”

Dean’s eyes glanced over and landed on him for a second and Sam smiled.

“Whatever,” Dean grumbled. “It’s your wedding.”

“Dean?”

“Yeah?”

“Thanks.”

“Whatever.”

.

“Crowley,” Raphael growled.

Crowley couldn’t speak. He was too panicked to form words.

“Crowley, look at me.”

He shook his head violently and refused to meet the angel’s gaze.

“I’m not going to hurt you Crowley.”

“I won’t fight back. Just… don’t let Sam know, please.”

“It was a test Crowley.”

Crowley frowned. “A test?”

“I needed to see the extent. I could have used a flashback but I didn’t want to do that to you. Without knowing the extent I wouldn’t know if I could help.”

“Can you,” Crowley whispered.

“Some. I can’t take everything away, it’s too ingrained. Beyond that I would have to alter Sam’s memories. Somehow I don’t think that he would agree to that.”

“So… You can’t do anything?”

“I didn’t say that. Sit, please.”

Crowley walked over to the desk and sat nervously on the edge of the chair.

“I think I can lessen the pain of the memories. I won’t lie. It will probably hurt.”

Crowley nodded absently. “It’s okay,” he said quietly.

“If you get loud you might upset your baby,” Raphael warned.

“I can remain quiet through a lot of pain,” Crowley whispered.

.

“Crowley,” Sam called making his way up the stairs. “Baby, where are you?”

“Our room,” Crowley called back.

Smiling Sam made his way to their room. The second he entered he froze. Crowley was sitting on edge of the bed holding Jo. Nothing about that was out of the ordinary. What was extremely wrong with the picture was the suit he was wearing. Crowley hadn’t worn a suit since before his time with Lucifer.

“Crowley,” Sam said cautiously.

“Yes love,” Crowley answered looking up and smiling.

“You’re um… You’re wearing a suit.”

“I am,” Crowley agreed. 

“You, um, don’t usually wear suits anymore,” Sam continued as he took a few more steps closer.

Crowley shrugged. “It seemed like time to begin moving on with my life. I have you and a beautiful new baby. I can’t keep living in the past.”

“Please tell me you’re not pushing yourself because you think I want you to be different.”

“I’m not. I’m moving forward because it’s what _I_ want.” Suddenly Crowley frowned. “Are you angry with the change?”

“No baby, I’m just worried.”

“Positive you’re not mad?”

“Positive baby.”

“Sam?”

“Yes?”

“God I love you.”

Sam’s mouth dropped open. It was the first time he had ever heard Crowley say God without adding the ‘s’ at the end.

.

It wasn’t exactly the same as before. He still had nightmares and doubts but it was easier for him to accept Sam’s love now. Now that things Lucifer had done to him were a little less painful it was easier for him to see the love Sam had. Humming slightly Crowley glanced to the bassinet next to the bed. 

Jo was still sleeping peacefully. Watching her Crowley was struck with the same awe he always was when he saw her. How was it that he could be a part of creating something so perfect? _Half Sam,_ his brain reminded him. Crowley grinned. He had a beautiful daughter, his love, an adopted family and, finally, some peace. No, it wasn’t exactly the same as before but maybe it was somehow better.

“Mm, whatcha’ doing,” Sam mumbled sleepily.

“Nothing love, just reading.”

“Mm. I think that’s an excuse to stare at Jo.”

“And just what’s wrong with me wanting to watch my baby sleep?”

“You’re neglecting your other baby.”

“Aw does my poor little Sam need me to rock him to sleep.”

“Nope,” Sam said throwing an arm over Crowley and snuggling against him. “Just cuddles.”

Crowley smiled. “They’ll be plenty of time for snuggling after the wedding.”

“Mm. The honeymoon,” Sam hummed. “Crowley,” Sam said suddenly more awake. “About the honeymoon.”

“Nope, we’ll discuss that later.”

“There’s not to much ‘later’ left to discuss it. The wedding is literally in two days and we haven’t even-.”

“Shh,” Crowley whispered placing a finger to Sam’s lips. “You’ll wake Jo.” Sighing Crowley dropped his finger and stared for a moment. “Everything will be fine, Sam. Trust me on this.”

“I can’t. You’re different and I don’t understand how or why.”

“You asked me to trust that you loved me.”

“I asked you to accept it.”

“So accept I have everything under control.”

“No. See, that’s the problem. Regaining control of your life after even suffering a fraction of what you’ve been through doesn’t happen instantly. What happened Crowley? Why the sudden change?”

“Sam, please?”

“No, baby. I need you to tell me what happened.”

“You wouldn’t… Well you might but…” 

“But what baby?”

“I don’t want you upset. I mean, I trust that you’d understand why I would want this but I don’t know how mad you’ll be.”

“I won’t be mad.”

Crowley chewed his lower lip thoughtfully.

“You can always tell me anything. You know that, right?”

After a slight pause Crowley finally nodded. “Raphael,” he whispered.

It was Sam’s turn to frown. “The angel?”

Another nod.

“What about him?”

“I prayed to him.”

“Why?”

“I couldn’t take it.”

“Why did you pray to him?”

“I had to do something. It was too much Sam. I couldn’t take it.”

“Baby. Why did you pray to him?”

“The memories, the dreams, the fear… Something had to give. I just couldn’t take it anymore. Besides, it wasn’t fair to you.”

“You asked him to do something,” Sam whispered.

“I asked him to help me forget Lucifer and what was done to me in hell.”

“Oh, baby. Why?”

“I couldn’t take it anymore. The memories. They’re too much sometimes.”

“I mean why didn’t you tell me?”

“I didn’t want you to be upset. Besides, it’s not fair to make you deal with… _that._ ”

“So,” Sam said slowly. “You don’t remember anything that happened?”

“I still remember it.”

“He didn’t take it away then?”

“He couldn’t take all of it. He said some of it was too ingrained.”

“So what happened?”

“He blocked most of the worst of it and took away a lot of the residual effects.”

“What does that mean?”

“It means I’m more detached from it. I remember it but it doesn’t affect me as deeply. I don’t feel it as viscerally as I used to feel it.”

“It wasn’t because… I mean, you didn’t do it because of me did you?”

“In a sense I guess. I mostly did it for myself, so I could appreciate you more and be a better parent for Jo.”

“God, baby.” Sam snuggled against Crowley. “You’ve always been perfect to me. If this was truly for yourself I’ll support it but you didn’t have to do this for me.”

“I didn’t, love. It truly was for myself.”

“Crowley?”

“Yes?”

“Now that you’re, um, ‘better’ at least…”

“Yes, Sam. I still need you now and I will continue to need you.”

“Mm, how did you know?”

“As well as you know me, I know you.”

“Sleep now?”

“We probably should. One of us is going to have to get up with Jo pretty soon. I volunteer you since you’ve had the most sleep.”

“Mm, deal if I get to cuddle with you until then.”

“Deal,” Crowley agreed.


	8. Chapter 8

“Damn it Sam stop fussing with it.”

“It’s not straight Dean.”

“Neither is your fiance. Now stop messing with it and let me fix it.”

Dean moved in between Sam and the mirror. Sam tried to relax as Dean straightened the tie for him. God he was nervous. He shouldn’t be worried. He knew how everything was going to turn out today. Hopefully. 

“What if he changes his mind,” Sam blurted out.

“That is so not going to happen,” Dean stated calmly. “He knows I’d track him down, shoot him in the knee and drag him back.”

“I’m serious Dean,” Sam complained.

“So am I,” Dean stated, crossing his arms. Sighing Dean uncrossed his arms. “Look, nothing like that’s going to happen. He loves you too much to ever leave you. Besides, he couldn’t leave Jo and he definitely doesn’t want to run off without a word taking my niece with him.”

Sam smiled. “Yeah, Jo. Hey, can you make sure-”

“Cass has it covered, Sam. She’s dressed, fed, and ready to see her dads get married to each other. I told you, we have this covered. Focus on speaking without getting tongue tied and leave JoJo to us.”

“You’re right, I’m just nervous.”

“I know, now stop it. You love him, he loves you, you’re getting married. There’s nothing to worry about.”

“Yeah, you’re right. Hey Dean?”

“Yeah?”

“Thanks.”

“For what?”

“I don’t know. Everything. Thanks for accepting him and I being together, for accepting him into the family, for loving Jo as much as you do, for just… you know, being you.”

“Yes, yes. I’m amazing, I know. Now go. You’re going to be late if you stand here yapping too much longer.”

“Thanks Dean. See you out there.”

“Yep,” was all Dean said as he shoved Sam out the door.

.

By the time it was over Sam was grinning like an idiot. He couldn’t manage to wipe the grin off his face, nor did he want to try. Married. Crowley was sitting next to him holding Jo and talking with Castiel. Sam ran his eyes over Crowley. Initially he had been worried when he had come home and found Crowley in a suit. He had to admit though, Crowley looked damn good in any suit he wore. Sam couldn’t help thinking that Crowley would also look amazing out of his suit. 

Crowley stopped talking and turned back to Sam. The grin Crowley gave him only served to increase his lewd thoughts. Sam prayed he wasn’t blushing. With a wink Crowley turned back and started talking with Castiel again. Someone dropped into the chair next to him and Sam turned to the arrival.

“So how does it feel being married,” Dean said with an elbow to Sam’s ribs.

“I don’t know yet. I haven’t been married for an hour yet, Dean.”

“Yep. So how’s it feel?”

Unable to help it Sam grinned. “Amazing.”

“Figured. Toast,” Dean asked handing Sam a beer.

Sam glanced back to Crowley and Jo.

“Relax, Sam. It’s just one beer, you’ll be fine.”

“You know you’re going to have to watch her, right?”

“Not until tomorrow. I’ll watch how much I drink tonight. Trust me Sam. I took care of you and you turned out alright.”

“Fine. Just one though.”

Taking the beer Sam twisted off the top and held up the bottle.

“To you being married and me getting a beautiful niece.”

“To Crowley and Jo,” Sam stated as their bottles clinked.

.

Wrapping a towel around his waist Sam made his way back to the room. He found Crowley lounging lazily on the bed, still completely dressed. Inspecting the room Sam frowned when he didn’t see their daughter.

“Where’s Jo,” Sam asked.

“Dean’s babysitting her,” Crowley informed him.

“Crowley, Dean spent most of the afternoon drinking.”

“Not really. First, he only had beer. Second, he stopped drinking when I asked if he would babysit tonight.”

Sam paused at that. There was only one reason for Crowley to ask Dean to watch Jo when they weren’t going anywhere. Still he was worried.

“Are you sure he’s sober enough?”

“I also asked Castiel to keep an eye on Dean. If the angel thought Dean was too drunk he would have sobered him. Relax Sam, everything’s fine.”

“If that’s true then why are you still dressed,” Sam shot back, cocking an eyebrow.

“Because you, my love, are going to undress me.”

Sam stared at Crowley incredulously. In all the time they’d been together Crowley had never been particularly assertive. More than two thousand years of being required to be submissive to Lucifer had taught Crowley asking for anything would only get him hurt. It was painfully difficult for Crowley to ask for anything or even deny Sam anything. Sam didn’t mind being the more dominant one in bed but sometimes change was nice. 

“And just what’s going to happen after I undress you,” Sam asked smiling.

“Patience, love. You’ll find out soon enough.” 

Crowley smirked and Sam grinned. Dropping the towel he headed for the bed. He started with the buttons on Crowley’s jacket first. Crowley, for his part, was no help. Sam had to move Crowley’s arms himself to get the jacket off of him. He didn’t mind. Whatever Crowley had planned Sam was just happy that Crowley was finally comfortable taking the lead.

.

God it was hard to keep from ripping off his clothing. He had vague memories from sex before he had been a slave to the devil. In those memories he had been the one calling the shots. None of the memories came close to sex with Sam. Sam was amazing in bed; attentive, concerned, loving and erotic as hell. Crowley couldn’t remember lusting after anyone since… well, it had been a long time. 

Sam moved to his pants and Crowley rolled his hips. Sam let out a groan as he worked on unbuttoning and then unzipping the pants. Crowley lifted his hips when Sam tugged at the hem of the pants and Sam slid them down Crowley’s legs. Damn he really wanted to rip his clothes off and let Sam take him.

*-*-*-*-*

Sam lay panting on top of Crowley. God he hadn’t felt this satisfied in forever. He didn’t mind being in charge and enjoyed himself when they were together but it was hard not to feel like he was taking advantage of his baby. The sex tonight had been wonderful. Yes he had still been the one on top but Crowley had been the one calling the shots.

“Love.”

“Yeah, baby?”

“You weigh as much as a moose. Move.”

Sam smiled before rolling off of Crowley.

“Mm, better,” Crowley murmured.

“Love you baby.”

“Love you too,” Crowley said snuggling against Sam’s side.

“Baby?”

“Hm?”

“About the honeymoon.”

“Nope. Told you, I have it planned.”

“Tell me something. I can’t stand not knowing anything.”

“I did tell you something. I have _everything_ planned.”

“Crowley,” Sam complained.

With Crowley’s head on his chest he felt Crowley smile more then he saw it.

“Mm, trust me love. I have literally planned for _everything_.”

.

“I thought you weren’t a nervous flyer,” Crowley observed.

“I’m not,” Sam told Crowley while fussing with his seat belt. “Dean’s the nervous flyer.”

“You’re fidgeting, love.”

“I can’t help it,” Sam complained. “I love that it’s just going to be you and I but I hate being away from Jo.”

“I know, love.”

Crowley resisted the urge to grin. He had known Sam wouldn’t want to be away from their daughter for too long. For that matter _he_ didn’t like the idea of being away from Jo for a week. He had taken that into account when he had planned things. Yep, this was definitely going to be an amazing week.

“Remind me to call the second we land,” Sam told him.

“Yes love,” Crowley replied.

“You don’t think they’re going need anything before then do you?”

“No love.”

Sam fidget with his seat belt some more.

.

“It’s stupid that we can’t use a phone inside the terminal,” Sam grumbled.

“Rules are rules dear,” Crowley told him.

“The rules are stupid,” Sam mumbled as they exited the building.

Sam pulled his phone out and Crowley put a hand on his arm. 

“What,” Sam snapped.

“Oh nothing. I just thought you wanted to talk to Dean.”

“That’s why I was going to call them,” Sam huffed annoyed.

“Look straight ahead love.”

Annoyed, Sam glanced up and looked ahead of them. Several feet ahead of them stood his brother holding Jo and Castiel. Instantly he turned to Crowley. 

“I couldn’t stand to be away from her for a week either,” Crowley said with a shrug.

“You invited them on our honeymoon?”

“Nope. They’re on vacation. We’re on our honeymoon. They have their own room. We have our own.”

“God I love you!”

“I know. Told you I thought of everything,” Crowley replied smugly.

Sam bent down and kissed Crowley before making his way over to his brother with Crowley following.

“You knew about this didn’t you,” Sam asked Dean.

“Well yeah. Be hard to plan for a vacation if I didn’t know I was going on one.”

Sam turned back to Crowley. “Why didn’t you have them just fly with us?”

“Nope. Plane trip here was the start of our honeymoon. No offense intended but I’m not sharing it with your brother. Besides, I’m not letting Jo travel by plane until she’s older. She got to travel by Angel Air this time,” Crowley said with a grin.

“I have to hold her,” Sam insisted.

“You know, I prepared a whole monologue on why you couldn’t and why we didn’t have time.”

“And you can’t use it because you want to hold her too,” Sam said knowingly.

Crowley ducked his head guiltily.

“Hey Dean,” Sam called out, pulling out his phone. “Take a picture of this for us. It’s her first vacation and we don’t have enough pictures with the whole family.”

Crowley grabbed Sam’s phone. “I have a better idea.” Crowley stopped a person passing by and talked to them briefly. After the man glanced toward them he gave Crowley a nod and took Sam’s phone from Crowley. Both of them made their way back over.

“Family photo,” Crowley announced.

Sam took Jo from Dean and the group moved in together. Cass hung back and Sam held up a hand. “Cass, you’re family too. Get in here.”

“I wouldn’t want to impose,” Cass began before Sam cut him off.

“It’s a family photo and you’re family. Now get over here.”

When they were all together the man held up Sam’s phone and aimed it. Taking the picture he held the phone out toward Crowley. Crowley made his way over, took the phone and thanked the man. 

“You could have told me you were coming,” Sam said turning to Dean.

“Then it wouldn’t have been a surprise,” Dean replied with a shrug.

*-*-*-*-*

Sam stared at his baby. Crowley had planned the honeymoon, made sure they could see Jo whenever they wanted, and refrained from telling him anything. It wasn’t that long ago that Crowley wouldn’t have been able to keep a surprise if he was asked about it directly. Sam was happy that Crowley was finally more like his old self. Still, no matter how happy it made him, he was worried. In the beginning Crowley had needed him. Now that Crowley no longer needed him would he stay? What if Crowley realized he could make it on his own now?

“You’re thinking too hard for someone on their honeymoon, Crowley murmured. 

“Crowley?”

“Hm,” Crowley hummed sleepily.

“You could do anything you wanted now that you’re better.”

For a long while Crowley remained silent. Sam began to think Crowley had gone back to sleep. Finally Crowley shifted until he was laying on his back and staring at the ceiling.

“You don’t think I’m going to stay,” Crowley stated quietly. “You think I’ll want someone else, something else.”

“I believe you meant it when you said you loved me. It’s just that was before you were…”

“Fixed,” Crowley growled questioningly. “Damn it Sam. If I had know you would doubt how I felt about you I would never have prayed to him.”

“I’m sorry baby. I’m not doubting you cared about me when you said it,” Sam whispered.

“You doubt I still feel that way,” Crowley grumbled.

“I don’t know anymore. I just… I’m worried. Now that you’re not as broken you don’t need me to help hold the pieces together. Why would you stay?”

“Besides our daughter,” Crowley sneered.

“I wasn’t trying to upset you,” Sam said quietly.

Crowley sat up and moved until he was sitting on top of Sam’s hips.

“You, my love, would never believe me if I told you why I could never leave you.”

“I just-”

Crowley leaned forward and cut off what Sam was going to say with a hard kiss.

“So I guess I’m going to have to resort to more extreme measure, hm?”

“Crowley, I’m being serious.”

“Me too, love. Now hush and let me show you how I feel.”

Heaven help him, Sam shut his mouth. God, assertive Crowley was sexy as fuck. Crowley leaned down and kissed him again. As their mouths met Sam parted his lips and Crowley’s tongue darted into his mouth. Groaning Sam raise his hips as their tongues twirled around each other's. 

“Easy my love. We have plenty of time,” Crowley told him.


	9. Chapter 9

Gods, as long as he lived he would never understand what Sam saw in him. Okay maybe now that he wasn’t as broken it made more sense but Sam had loved him just as much before. Unable to help himself he let out a loud moan as Sam slid slowly into him again. 

“God Crowley.”

“More, Sam. More.”

Drawing back Sam slid into him again. Crowley arch his back to press down harder onto Sam. How the hell had he ever lived without Sam in his life. The sex was amazing but it was more than that. After everything he never thought he would be able to let someone in or trust anyone again. Sam had picked up the pieces and patiently put them back together. When some of the broken parts refused to heal Sam held them together for him. And Sam thought that Crowley would be able to leave? Leaning forward he bit into Sam’s shoulder and ran his tongue over the skin. Sam leaned his head back and moaned. Crowley smiled. 

“God Crowley,” Sam panted.

Drawing back Sam slammed into Crowley. Teeth still sunk into Sam’s shoulder, Crowley’s eyes slid closed. After a few thousand years of being forced to sleep with anyone that wanted him he never thought he would ever be able to want this again. That was before Sam. Finally he released Sam’s shoulder.

“Harder Sam. Fuck me. Now.”

Without a word Sam increased his speed. Crowley clung onto Sam’s hips to help pull them forward harder. Gods he was so close. Just a little more. He could already feel the pressure building.

“So close,” Sam growled.

“Me too,” Crowley panted.

Instantly Sam wrapped his arms around Crowley and flipped them so Crowley was lying on his back. Grabbing Crowley’s legs Sam pulled them until they rested on his hips. Crowley hooked his legs behind Sam as Sam bent down. 

“Come for me baby,” Sam growled.

Cowley shook his head. “You first,” he ordered.

Continuing to slam into him Sam groaned again. “God you’re going to kill me.”

“Would dream of it,” Crowley told Sam. “You couldn’t fuck me then. Come for me love.”

With one final thrust Sam’s head canted backward as he came. _Beautiful,_ Crowley thought to himself. _Beautiful and mine._ Reaching down he stroked himself until he was coming as well. At some point he felt his hand being moved. He didn’t have long to think about it before another hand wrapped itself over him and began stroking. Crowley’s back arched as the orgasm continued. As his brain fritzed Crowley lost himself in the pleasure. By the time his brain began to function again he finally realized it was hard to draw a breath.

“Uhn,” Crowley grunted wiggling under the heavy body lying on top of him.

“Mm,” Sam hummed.

“Move,” Crowley ordered.

“Can’t,” Sam stated, nuzzling Crowley’s neck.

“Why’s that,” Crowley asked, still breathing heavily.

Sam moved his head until their mouths met and kissed him. When he finally broke the kiss he lifted his head and smiled.

“You’re holding me in place,” Sam informed him.

Belatedly Crowley realized he still had his arms and legs locked around his Sam. He released his arms but left his legs locked around his love. Difficult to breath or not this felt too good. He almost didn’t care if he never breathed again if he could feel like this forever.

“Mm, you have to let go eventually,” Sam told him.

“Nope,” Crowley disagreed. 

“Eventually you’re going to want food.”

“We can order room service.”

“We still have to open the door,” Sam stated with a small smile.

“Mm, nope,” Crowley dissented. “They have a key.”

“And your plan is to invite them in while we’re naked,” Sam asked as his smile grew.

“That’s what blankets are for,” Crowley countered.

“I think someone just needs more sex,” Sam said grinning.

“Possibly,” Crowley agreed. “Perhaps we should test the theory?”

“I swear you’re trying to kill me.”

“Nope. Told you, can’t have sex with you if you’re dead.”

*-*-*-*-*

Fumbling Sam finally managed to snag his phone.

“Tell whoever it is if they aren’t already dying they will be,” Crowley grumbled.

Squinting Sam inspected the caller ID. Dean. Instantly he was wide awake. He sat up suddenly against Crowley’s very annoyed protests and hit accept.

“Dean? What is it? Is it Jo? How is she? Is she alright?”

“What happened to Jo,” Crowley asked quickly, sitting up as well.

_“She’s fine, just a little fussy.”_

“Then why are you calling at this hour,” Sam asked.

“What’s wrong,” Crowley persisted.

Sam waved a hand distractedly, trying to shush Crowley.

_“I can’t get her to sleep. I was hoping one of you might know something that would help.”_

Turning Sam faced Crowley. “Everything’s fine. Jo’s being fussy and Dean can’t get her to go back to sleep.”

Crowley sighed in relief. “Tell him I’ll be right there.”

“I’m coming with you,” Sam insisted.

_“Neither of you have to come by. All I need to know is how to help her sleep.”_

“Dean says we don’t have to come by,” Sam told Crowley.

“Yes we do. There’s no way I can teach him what he needs over the phone or quickly. Tell him we’ll be there in a few minutes.”

“Crowley says-”

_“I heard him. I’ll unlock the door,”_ Dean said before hanging up.

“You’re going to sing to her,” Sam asked.

“It’s the only thing that helps when she’s being fussy,” Crowley reminded Sam. “You don’t have to go if you don’t want.”

“I’m awake now. Besides, I miss her. I have to see her, Crowley.”

“I figured as much. Better get dressed. Pretty sure Dean wouldn’t appreciate you being naked half as much as I do.”

Sam grabbed his pillow and swung it at Crowley.

*-*-*-*-*

Knocking Sam hesitated. For perhaps the first time ever he didn’t immediately feel comfortable walking into his brother’s room without waiting. Perhaps it was because his own recent marriage, Sam mused. The door opened and Dean raised an eyebrow at Sam before he stood back. Crowley and Sam made their way into the room. Cass walked into the living room holding a fussing and squirming Jo.

“You could have just told me what to do over the phone,” Dean told them.

“Nope,” Crowley disagreed. “It would have taken too long. Here, let me see her,” he told Cass.

Cass carefully transferred Jo to Crowley’s arms.

“Hey, little one,” Crowley cooed at their daughter. 

Sam perched on the arm of a chair and waited. He always loved it when Crowley sang to Jo. He doesn’t sing often enough, Sam mused. Crowley started humming and Sam smiled. Of all the songs Crowley sang to Jo, this was one of his favorites.

_Baloo baleerie, baloo baleerie.  
Baloo baleerie, baloo balee._

_Go away, little fairies._  
_Go away, little fairies._  
_Go away, little fairies._  
_From our home now._

_Baloo baleerie, baloo baleerie.  
Baloo baleerie, baloo balee._

_Down come the pretty angels._  
_Down come the pretty angels._  
_Down come the pretty angels._  
_To our home now._

_Baloo baleerie, baloo baleerie.  
Baloo baleerie, baloo balee._

_Sleep soft, my baby._  
_Sleep soft, my baby._  
_Sleep soft, my baby._  
_In our home now._

_Baloo baleerie, baloo baleerie.  
Baloo baleerie, baloo balee._ ***

By the time Crowley finished Jo had stopped fussing and her eyes were closed. She wasn’t fully asleep but it wouldn’t be too long now. Sam stared at Crowley holding Jo and wondered how he could have ever gotten so lucky. Crowley ran through the song again and when he finished Jo was finally fully asleep.

“That should do it,” Crowley whispered.

“Thanks,” Dean whispered.

“I’ll put her down,” Crowley said quietly, making his way to the bedroom. 

“He has a pretty good voice,” Cass stated quietly.

“Yeah,” Sam agreed.

“Sam,” Dean said suddenly.

“Yeah?”

“I’m happy for you.”

“Thanks, Dean.”

*-*-*-*-*

By the time they got back to the room Sam was yawning again. Crowley had just finished putting one of his babies to bed. Now it seemed he would have to help put the other one to sleep. He shook his head and hid a smile. Opening the door he let Sam enter the room first then followed, closing the door behind them.

“Come on you,” Crowley said, taking Sam’s hand. “Let’s get you to bed.”

“Mm, only if you’re coming too,” Sam murmured sleepily.

“Always, love.”

Leading Sam into the bedroom Crowley let him lay down first before joining him. Reaching down he snagged the blanket and covered them both. Sam snuggled next to him, resting his head on Crowley’s arm.

“Sleep love,” Crowley whispered.

“Baby,” Sam mumbled against Crowley’s arm.

“Yes love?”

“Not dreaming?”

“No love, you’re not dreaming.”

“Really married?”

“Yes love, we’re really married," Crowley assured him.

Sam nodded and wrapped his arms around Crowley. As Sam fell asleep Crowley thought back on his life and everything that he had been through. Despite everything he had somehow acquired a family, ended up happy, gotten married to someone that loved him and had a beautiful daughter. He never figured any one of those things would ever happen to him. Life really was an amazing thing sometimes.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Baloo Baleerie is a traditional Scottish lullaby
> 
> For lyrics and more information: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Baloo_Baleerie


End file.
